There's a lump in my throat...

Well, tomorrow is the day Scott check's into the hospital,... it seems the closer we get to this thing, the more butterflies seem to take up residence in my stomach, and I feel like my own heart is in my throat.

I've worked things out for the week,.. I'll be staying in Guest Housing which is right across the street from the hospital for the first two nights (since I can't sleep in the ICU), and my mother is going to stay with our girls through Thursday evening. I'll come home to stay with them then, and then Friday morning will meet back up with Scott's parents who are going to take the girls (& the dog) camping for the weekend,.. a good distraction for the girls, and by then Scott should be moving from ICU to the main heart recovery floor, and once he's moved there, I am permitted to stay in his room with him for the remainder of his stay. For myself, I can't imagine going off camping when my child, adult or not, just had open-heart surgery and any number of complications could arise, and I could not be reached, but that's just me, I guess,.. I'm sensitive to those things, and I suppose in this case, it does have the advantage of providing a distraction for the girls. Still, it bothers me and makes my heart sink... I just could never do that. It's hard enough knowing our children will be clear off and away like that if something does happen, but there really isn't another alternative to the situation.

We are confident everything is going to go smoothly, and that God will work through the surgeon's hands,........... the natural human reaction to this whole mess though still lingers, and honestly, I don't care how much faith a person has (and mine has always been very strong), I believe that it is only natural to still hold some fear,..... it's that selfish part of us that never wants to let go of those we love, and when we are faced with the possibility of that, it scares us, it hurts us, and we beg for them to stay,....................... and that's why there's a lump in my throat.