From me: I am asking anyone & everyone out there who is a Believer to add this need to your prayer list. Please be praying that God would fulfill our requests for a great healing to take place. As I said in my response to them, "this is a difficult time of uncertainty, but it is so important to trust in Him.... Keep believing with all your heart that miracles DO happen! I am praying that Robin can be a testiment to that. That her circumstances will be of witness to others that God can do great things."
Below is the notice I recieved from a dear family member regarding this need, and below that, is the email she recieved from her friend.....
From Barb: "I have received an e-mail from a family friend and she is in need of your prayers and thoughts. Robin is the wife of G's previous 1SG in Hawaii. He is also the man that taught G and Zach to scuba dive. Their children and our children were the best of friends, especially Jordan and their son Sean. It was so hard to say goodbye when they left Hawaii or better things. Their daughter, Rachel, is a miracle in herself. She was told she would never walk, never do things normal children do because of cancer that took over her legs and she has since lost the feeling in her legs, but she walks, and runs, and dances like any normal little girl. I learned so much from that family. I learned to keep my mouth shut, to open my mouth, and most of all, to believe! Robin needs prayers right now. Here is the letter I have received."
From Robin: "Hi everyone,
While I am not one to ask for things for myself. Things have happened in the past week that I need prayers for. It started about a month a go. My head and throat started swelling. The doctors thought it was allergy. I thought it was something in the house. The Army Environment Health came out and tested. They found 5 times the level of formaldehyde in the house. They moved us into a new house. The problem was I wasn't getting better. I went to the emergency room. They did several scans and found a 5 cm mass on my chest. It is right in front of the bronchial tumbe and growing into the superior vena cava that is affecting my breathing. They have diagnosed it as lung cancer though it's not in my lung and they also found a spot on my liver that they think could be cancer also. We're not sure of the prognosis because I told them I don't want to know, I will fight for as long as possible. They say it's not connnected to the foramledyde, but an xray 5 months ago showed there was absolutely nothing abnormal. I have already started radiation and am starting to feel better.
All I am asking for is PRAYERS....LOTS of PRAYERS. You can send this to anyone you know, because prayers are what's going to save me.
Also, if anyone has stories of inspiration about cancer survivors or incredible defiance of the odds, please send them to me, I need them a lot.
Anyone who knows me though, knows I will not go down without a fight.
Thanks
Robin"
From me again: I would also like to share another part of my response to both Barbara and Robin because I think that it is important for us all to be reminded of these things. I know that it helps me a great deal to search through my Bible and be reminded of these things.
"There is an excerpt in my study Bible that I thought might be a good notation here, and then after I have a verse I want to remind you [& Robin] of because it is such a powerful one. I'll post it at the end.
The excerpt reads this: 'We can never know how God will answer the prayers of his people. We only know that he tells us to pray about anything and everything. We may feel powerless in ourselves, but when we lift our prayers to God, when we "pray through" our difficulties, the door is opened for God to step in and do the miraculous.'
That is SO very true! Find strength in your faith, and comfort in His Word. And yes, pray, pray, PRAY with your whole heart,.... He is listening! He is with you, and He will not leave you. Whatever the outcome, He will carry you through this......... Never stop believing.
"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity." ~ Jeremiah 29:11-14"
Please join us in lifting up Robin, her family & all those close to her, in prayer.
Thanks & Love, Tahnee
Friday, December 28, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Snow from Heaven
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU!!!
I hope it was wonderful for all of you!! We had a very nice Christmas,... we did things differently this year, and it turned out really well. This was our first Christmas without Scott's mom though, and with having her passed on only 3 weeks ago (tomorrow), it felt a little empty. I have to tell you about this though,.....
Only shortly before she died, the girls had asked Grandma if when she got to Heaven would she please send them some snow on Christmas Day. She said she would try..... I was quietly concerned about their disappointment should Christmas come without any snowfall, as we rarely get snow here, let alone on Christmas Day.
Well since then, we've only had either freezing & completely dry days or wet days that were just warm enough to keep it completely rainy,.. no snow of any sort here (although some in surrounding areas) until yesterday,...... mid Christmas morning.
As I was preparing breakfast, one of the girls looked out of the window and then shrieked that it was SNOWING...........
Yes,... SNOW FROM HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!!
I can't think of a more amazing gift we could have recieved this year. And if that didn't bring a tear to your eye or tug on your heartstrings enough,... as we stood there holding one another watching as the snow fell from the sky, Brittney looked up at me and asked, "Do you really think the snow is from Grandma, Mommy?" and I said, "Yes, Baby, I really do." .......and only a moment later,.. the song, "I'll Be Home for Christmas" began to play.
Our own Christmas Miracle,....
~Believe in Miracles~ They DO happen!!!
I hope it was wonderful for all of you!! We had a very nice Christmas,... we did things differently this year, and it turned out really well. This was our first Christmas without Scott's mom though, and with having her passed on only 3 weeks ago (tomorrow), it felt a little empty. I have to tell you about this though,.....
Only shortly before she died, the girls had asked Grandma if when she got to Heaven would she please send them some snow on Christmas Day. She said she would try..... I was quietly concerned about their disappointment should Christmas come without any snowfall, as we rarely get snow here, let alone on Christmas Day.
Well since then, we've only had either freezing & completely dry days or wet days that were just warm enough to keep it completely rainy,.. no snow of any sort here (although some in surrounding areas) until yesterday,...... mid Christmas morning.
As I was preparing breakfast, one of the girls looked out of the window and then shrieked that it was SNOWING...........
Yes,... SNOW FROM HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!!
I can't think of a more amazing gift we could have recieved this year. And if that didn't bring a tear to your eye or tug on your heartstrings enough,... as we stood there holding one another watching as the snow fell from the sky, Brittney looked up at me and asked, "Do you really think the snow is from Grandma, Mommy?" and I said, "Yes, Baby, I really do." .......and only a moment later,.. the song, "I'll Be Home for Christmas" began to play.
Our own Christmas Miracle,....
~Believe in Miracles~ They DO happen!!!
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
December Goes Out With a Bang??
Well, with a mixture of both good & bad, the year seems to be closing off with more activity than I care to endure.
Not to say that I'm not accustomed to life knocking the wind out of me repeatedly, that's for certain, but every once in awhile I can't help but stop and wonder when is enough,.. well, enough?? I just do my best to keep plugging along, and while I do, I engage in a vast amount of prayer, and a near-non-stop search to find any silver lining possible, LOL... but now and again I stumble, I get lost in it all, and feel like I can no longer hold my head above the thrashing sea that is my life. That's when I feel even more thankful for my family & friends... especially for those who reach out without pause, without a second thought, and throw me a life preserver. You remind me of my strengths, and my purpose, and I thank you so much for that.
Most of you already know that my mother-in-law passed away a couple of weeks ago. What most of you don't know is that day was also the day my sister got re-married. That day had also been our grandmother's birthday so the day was special in many ways, along with heartache. I just wanted to share that because those things are very important to me, too, but with the grief we were experiencing (and still are), I just didn't have it in me to post on them. So, a BIG CONGRATULATIONS to my sister and new brother-in-law, Karissa & Matthew!!
Now, back to more not-so-great stuff,.... let's see, ah yes, well,.. I broke my toe a week ago, and then three nights ago managed to stab my finger with a screwdriver.......... don't ask, LOL,.......... but such is my luck. *rolls eyes*
Then, the night before last, Bailey (my 8 1/2 month old pup), got snagged in the face by the cat. We didn't realize she had an injury until late yesterday afternoon, but turns out she got nailed right in her left eye. The wound is a really bad one, it's deep. It plunged clear through her cornea, and pierced through her lens. I took her to the vet right away, and it only took him moments to conclude that the injury is over his head. So, he referred me to a specialist in NW Portland, an ophthalmologist, which we saw today.
Thankfully, the injury was a clean puncture, although unusually deep, it did not tear when the claw was retracted. Had it done so, she would have needed stitches... in her eye. Her peripheral vision is gone, whether permanent or temporary we do not know yet. For now, we are treating aggressively with medication, and taking a wait & watch approach rather than jumping right into surgery. The Dr thinks this is her best shot right now at retaining some vision in that eye............. if she ends up needing surgery, it will be either to remove the lens, or the entire orb (eyeball). Hopefully, it won't come to that. Currently, she has bruising on the left side of the cornea at the site of the wounds birth,.. it appears as blue & cloudy as you can see in the photos. There is also a small cateract that has already developed over the lens (it appears cloudy & white). There's no telling right now whether the cateract is permanent. It could heal between the body's natural defense & healing process and the line-up of medications she has to take. The alternative is that it could remain the same, leaving permanent vision impairment, or worse, it could continue to grow which would indicate a bacterial infection within the lens itself,... in which case they may have to take the eye. The lens is also leaking lens protein into the anterior chamber which is causing severe inflammation which could lead to Glaucoma. So, we have a number of things to be watching over the next several days, weeks, and months. This is going to be a long recovery process. Her medications include, two topicals in the form of drops, Tobramycin (which is an antibiotic) and Atropin (which is a steroid that dilates her pupil and helps reduce her pain level) and four oral, Cephalexin (another antibiotic), Rimadyl (an anti-inflammatory), Tramadol (also for pain), and Acepromazine (which is a tranquilizer to help keep her calm and avoid further injury while she tries to heal). She also has to wear an Elizabethan Collar, aka: "The Cone", to help protect her eye from further damage as a result of bumping into things since her vision is impaired.
(You can click on any picture to view it larger, then just hit your 'back' button to return here)
My poor baby.....................
We go back in three days on Saturday morning for a recheck examination, and then probably again next Wednesday, the day after Christmas. If everything goes well, she'll then start going in weekly for 3-4 weeks, then monthly for 6 months to a year. Her medications will change and taper off over time, but they say they've been seeing good results with this method of treatment. At any rate, she's got a 50-50% chance of saving at least part of her vision in that eye,... a 70-30% right now that she'll need the eye removed altogether,.... the 70 percent being in our favor of keeping the eye.
Anyhoo,..... you'll never catch me saying my life is boring!!
To end on a brighter note,... I got all my Christmas cards out in the mail today,... finally! Had them ready to go 2 weeks ago, but then life tripped me up again. Oh well, I guess,... for most, you should have them before Christmas, and for the ones who don't get them in time,.... better late than not at all, right?? LOL
I love you all. xoxoxo
Not to say that I'm not accustomed to life knocking the wind out of me repeatedly, that's for certain, but every once in awhile I can't help but stop and wonder when is enough,.. well, enough?? I just do my best to keep plugging along, and while I do, I engage in a vast amount of prayer, and a near-non-stop search to find any silver lining possible, LOL... but now and again I stumble, I get lost in it all, and feel like I can no longer hold my head above the thrashing sea that is my life. That's when I feel even more thankful for my family & friends... especially for those who reach out without pause, without a second thought, and throw me a life preserver. You remind me of my strengths, and my purpose, and I thank you so much for that.
Most of you already know that my mother-in-law passed away a couple of weeks ago. What most of you don't know is that day was also the day my sister got re-married. That day had also been our grandmother's birthday so the day was special in many ways, along with heartache. I just wanted to share that because those things are very important to me, too, but with the grief we were experiencing (and still are), I just didn't have it in me to post on them. So, a BIG CONGRATULATIONS to my sister and new brother-in-law, Karissa & Matthew!!
Now, back to more not-so-great stuff,.... let's see, ah yes, well,.. I broke my toe a week ago, and then three nights ago managed to stab my finger with a screwdriver.......... don't ask, LOL,.......... but such is my luck. *rolls eyes*
Then, the night before last, Bailey (my 8 1/2 month old pup), got snagged in the face by the cat. We didn't realize she had an injury until late yesterday afternoon, but turns out she got nailed right in her left eye. The wound is a really bad one, it's deep. It plunged clear through her cornea, and pierced through her lens. I took her to the vet right away, and it only took him moments to conclude that the injury is over his head. So, he referred me to a specialist in NW Portland, an ophthalmologist, which we saw today.
Thankfully, the injury was a clean puncture, although unusually deep, it did not tear when the claw was retracted. Had it done so, she would have needed stitches... in her eye. Her peripheral vision is gone, whether permanent or temporary we do not know yet. For now, we are treating aggressively with medication, and taking a wait & watch approach rather than jumping right into surgery. The Dr thinks this is her best shot right now at retaining some vision in that eye............. if she ends up needing surgery, it will be either to remove the lens, or the entire orb (eyeball). Hopefully, it won't come to that. Currently, she has bruising on the left side of the cornea at the site of the wounds birth,.. it appears as blue & cloudy as you can see in the photos. There is also a small cateract that has already developed over the lens (it appears cloudy & white). There's no telling right now whether the cateract is permanent. It could heal between the body's natural defense & healing process and the line-up of medications she has to take. The alternative is that it could remain the same, leaving permanent vision impairment, or worse, it could continue to grow which would indicate a bacterial infection within the lens itself,... in which case they may have to take the eye. The lens is also leaking lens protein into the anterior chamber which is causing severe inflammation which could lead to Glaucoma. So, we have a number of things to be watching over the next several days, weeks, and months. This is going to be a long recovery process. Her medications include, two topicals in the form of drops, Tobramycin (which is an antibiotic) and Atropin (which is a steroid that dilates her pupil and helps reduce her pain level) and four oral, Cephalexin (another antibiotic), Rimadyl (an anti-inflammatory), Tramadol (also for pain), and Acepromazine (which is a tranquilizer to help keep her calm and avoid further injury while she tries to heal). She also has to wear an Elizabethan Collar, aka: "The Cone", to help protect her eye from further damage as a result of bumping into things since her vision is impaired.
(You can click on any picture to view it larger, then just hit your 'back' button to return here)
My poor baby.....................
We go back in three days on Saturday morning for a recheck examination, and then probably again next Wednesday, the day after Christmas. If everything goes well, she'll then start going in weekly for 3-4 weeks, then monthly for 6 months to a year. Her medications will change and taper off over time, but they say they've been seeing good results with this method of treatment. At any rate, she's got a 50-50% chance of saving at least part of her vision in that eye,... a 70-30% right now that she'll need the eye removed altogether,.... the 70 percent being in our favor of keeping the eye.
Anyhoo,..... you'll never catch me saying my life is boring!!
To end on a brighter note,... I got all my Christmas cards out in the mail today,... finally! Had them ready to go 2 weeks ago, but then life tripped me up again. Oh well, I guess,... for most, you should have them before Christmas, and for the ones who don't get them in time,.... better late than not at all, right?? LOL
I love you all. xoxoxo
Friday, December 07, 2007
Moment of Silence Scheduled
Thank you to everyone for all of your support & prayers. It truly means the world to me,... to us.
I would just like to let you all know,.. for those who wish to participate, we have scheduled a nationwide "Moment of Silence" for tomorrow morning at 9:00 A.M., Pacific Standard Time. Carol did not want a funeral,.. we will have a private family memorial at the time that we spread her ashes, but we thought that this would be a way for all of us to come together to share in this moment at the same time, wherever we are across the country since so many of us cannot physically be together right now. So, if you would like to participate, then tomorrow at 9:00 AM, PST, wherever you are, whatever you're doing,... just stop and take a moment of silence, pray, or however you choose to honor her, and know that at the same moment the rest of us will be, too.
Thank you & God bless you all. I am so very grateful for your support. I love you all very much.
I would just like to let you all know,.. for those who wish to participate, we have scheduled a nationwide "Moment of Silence" for tomorrow morning at 9:00 A.M., Pacific Standard Time. Carol did not want a funeral,.. we will have a private family memorial at the time that we spread her ashes, but we thought that this would be a way for all of us to come together to share in this moment at the same time, wherever we are across the country since so many of us cannot physically be together right now. So, if you would like to participate, then tomorrow at 9:00 AM, PST, wherever you are, whatever you're doing,... just stop and take a moment of silence, pray, or however you choose to honor her, and know that at the same moment the rest of us will be, too.
Thank you & God bless you all. I am so very grateful for your support. I love you all very much.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Gone From My Sight
Today we mourn the loss of our beloved mother, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, grandmother and friend, Caroline Ann Holloway, who went home to be with Jesus this afternoon at 1:08 PM. We also rejoice knowing that on this day there was a great celebration in welcoming her into the arms of Heaven, and that she suffers no more. She is whole. She is new again.
We sat up with her throughout most of the night, only taking moments to nap, and then encircled her throughout this day until the time came for her to leave us.
For myself, I can say that while this is a sad day because we will miss her so greatly,... her passing was also of great relief. Knowing she is no longer in pain.
I want to keep this short, as this day has been a great load to bare, and we are needing to spend some quiet time together before we adjourn for the night, but I would like to share her final moments with you because they were so beautiful,.. so difficult, yet so pristene... She was at peace, she was comfortable, and she was not in any pain. When the time came that we knew the end had come, we all circled closely together, told her we loved her once more,... then I said, "Thank you, Jesus, for blessing our lives with her,... we're ready to give her back to you now,...." then, as I continued to hold her hand in mine, I raised my other up to Him and said, "We lift her up to you",... and then she took her last breath.
No way to know it would end that way,... I was simply crying out to Him in prayer....... But it couldn't have been more perfect, and I am so very thankful for that memory of her crossing.
And in the words of the poem I shared with you the other night,.... She is not gone,... She's just gone from our sight. God bless!!!!
We sat up with her throughout most of the night, only taking moments to nap, and then encircled her throughout this day until the time came for her to leave us.
For myself, I can say that while this is a sad day because we will miss her so greatly,... her passing was also of great relief. Knowing she is no longer in pain.
I want to keep this short, as this day has been a great load to bare, and we are needing to spend some quiet time together before we adjourn for the night, but I would like to share her final moments with you because they were so beautiful,.. so difficult, yet so pristene... She was at peace, she was comfortable, and she was not in any pain. When the time came that we knew the end had come, we all circled closely together, told her we loved her once more,... then I said, "Thank you, Jesus, for blessing our lives with her,... we're ready to give her back to you now,...." then, as I continued to hold her hand in mine, I raised my other up to Him and said, "We lift her up to you",... and then she took her last breath.
No way to know it would end that way,... I was simply crying out to Him in prayer....... But it couldn't have been more perfect, and I am so very thankful for that memory of her crossing.
And in the words of the poem I shared with you the other night,.... She is not gone,... She's just gone from our sight. God bless!!!!
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
The Final Hours
Just wanted all to know,.. the nurse was over again a couple of hours ago, and said that things are progressing much more quickly..... we could see that last night, too. She said mom only has up to 24-48 hours left. She is now in the hospital bed in the family room at her home, and the oxygen is helping sustain what breath she has left. It sounds like it will probably be sometime either tonight or tomorrow, but could be Friday.......... Prayers are appreciated now more than ever.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
"There she comes"
We spent several hours sitting with mom this evening. I spent most of it holding her hand..... She's very weak, and is slimming down again. She's barely eating anything. Another thing common near the end.
She is in and out a lot... she's not completely incoherent yet, but close. She falls alseep in the middle of sentences, and forgets things almost as quickly as they occur, but recalls other things. She couldn't remember Ashley's name. At one point she stumbled over trying to recall Scott's name, too. not that she doesn't know who we are, she does. It was distressing to her though that she could not remember their names. She knew Scott's started with an S, but couldn't quite say it. It was like one of those moments where you know you know it, and it's on the tip of your tongue, but you just can't quite get it out. Her breathing is very coarse and loud. It sounds rough, and almost like a bunch of bubbles popping. I guess this is very common in people who are within a week of going... According to the literature and the nurses, the stage that mom is in right now is like having 'one foot here and one foot there'.
It was a difficult evening... seeing her that way. The things we all talked about. The long silences of no one knowing what to say, but all of us just wanting to cling together in the same room,... just to be near her. Dad & I did the most crying... Just about any time that we looked across the room at eachother, and then before leaving tonight, we hugged and both started sobbing so much so that neither of us could let go of eachother for several minutes. It's really starting to hit Scott more now, too... I think with things finally narrowing down to the wire, it's becoming more real than ever,.. and time to face the heart-wrenching reality that she will be leaving soon.
The girls are going through their own grieving,... for Courtney, I think she just feels numb. She asked me why she hasn't been crying. I just explained to her how everyone grieves in their own way. Some people cry a lot, some people get real quiet, some go numb for awhile, some get angry... and that her lack of tears right now does not mean she loves Grandma any less than the rest of us. She's going through her own process. Ashley is kind of in the same boat as Courtney right now, but Brittney,... well, she cried & cried for about half the drive home before she finally fell asleep in the car. That was hard.
Before I close, I wanted to leave you with this poem that dad shared with me this evening from a pamphlet he was given by the hospice nurse. It's absolutely perfect.....
'I am standing on the sea shore,
A ship sails in the morning breeze and starts for the ocean.
She is an object of beauty and I stand watching her
Till at last she fades on the horizon and someone at my side says:
"She is gone."
Gone! Where?
Gone from my sight - that is all.
She is just as large in the masts, hull and spars as she was when I saw her
And just as able to bear her load of living freight to its destination.
The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me,
not in her.
And just at the moment when someone at my side says,
"She is gone",
There are others who are watching her coming, and other voices take up a glad shout:
"There she comes"
- and that is dying.'
She is in and out a lot... she's not completely incoherent yet, but close. She falls alseep in the middle of sentences, and forgets things almost as quickly as they occur, but recalls other things. She couldn't remember Ashley's name. At one point she stumbled over trying to recall Scott's name, too. not that she doesn't know who we are, she does. It was distressing to her though that she could not remember their names. She knew Scott's started with an S, but couldn't quite say it. It was like one of those moments where you know you know it, and it's on the tip of your tongue, but you just can't quite get it out. Her breathing is very coarse and loud. It sounds rough, and almost like a bunch of bubbles popping. I guess this is very common in people who are within a week of going... According to the literature and the nurses, the stage that mom is in right now is like having 'one foot here and one foot there'.
It was a difficult evening... seeing her that way. The things we all talked about. The long silences of no one knowing what to say, but all of us just wanting to cling together in the same room,... just to be near her. Dad & I did the most crying... Just about any time that we looked across the room at eachother, and then before leaving tonight, we hugged and both started sobbing so much so that neither of us could let go of eachother for several minutes. It's really starting to hit Scott more now, too... I think with things finally narrowing down to the wire, it's becoming more real than ever,.. and time to face the heart-wrenching reality that she will be leaving soon.
The girls are going through their own grieving,... for Courtney, I think she just feels numb. She asked me why she hasn't been crying. I just explained to her how everyone grieves in their own way. Some people cry a lot, some people get real quiet, some go numb for awhile, some get angry... and that her lack of tears right now does not mean she loves Grandma any less than the rest of us. She's going through her own process. Ashley is kind of in the same boat as Courtney right now, but Brittney,... well, she cried & cried for about half the drive home before she finally fell asleep in the car. That was hard.
Before I close, I wanted to leave you with this poem that dad shared with me this evening from a pamphlet he was given by the hospice nurse. It's absolutely perfect.....
'I am standing on the sea shore,
A ship sails in the morning breeze and starts for the ocean.
She is an object of beauty and I stand watching her
Till at last she fades on the horizon and someone at my side says:
"She is gone."
Gone! Where?
Gone from my sight - that is all.
She is just as large in the masts, hull and spars as she was when I saw her
And just as able to bear her load of living freight to its destination.
The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me,
not in her.
And just at the moment when someone at my side says,
"She is gone",
There are others who are watching her coming, and other voices take up a glad shout:
"There she comes"
- and that is dying.'
Sorrow of Letting Go
I'm just 'talking out loud' here, in a manner of speaking... it's a rough day, and I need to unload a little so if anyone is reading this, please bare with me. Last night was rough, we're all exhausted from being overcome with emotion, and then not sleeping well, and the wonder of whether today will be the last time we see Mom/Grandma alive or not..... We're going to head up in a couple of hours. Right now, my vision is still too blurry, and I feel like I was hit by a truck so I'm just sort of.... sitting.
The girls have made 'closure cards', I call them anyway,... they made these cards to give to Grandma today. To tell her again how much they love her, and remind her that she will finally be all better in Heaven......... they mentioned about working on something for her yesterday, and then showed the finished products this morning. Needless to say, tears were shed,.... again. This is just SO hard,.. never gets any easier. I almost feel like it gets harder the more people you have to say goodbye to... even if it's not a permanent goodbye.
I know she will be in a better place,... afterall, there is no better place than with Jesus! And because of that, she is so lucky, and I REJOICE in it for her, and I am happy & excited for her and I celebrate it knowing she will be whole with Him,...... and she will never be in any pain again........ but I am also so very, very, VERY sad, and I feel so selfish because I do not want to let her go. I know God understands,.. He created us afterall, but I still feel guilty.
I know He needs her more than I do now, and I know she will continue to watch over me with Him, as so many others have been, too,... and we will see them all again one day. But my heart aches............ I feel like all the people who have had the biggest impact on my life, in the most positive ways, who have played the biggest parts in molding me into who I am today, whom I could always turn to for comfort & support,........ are all gone, except for my real mother, and my sister, Karissa. So I'm sad. But I want this peace for her sooooooooooooo bad at the same time!!!
I know the Lord will carry us through this. He will lift us up, and carry us through when the burden of our sorrow is too heavy for us to bare.......... and I know we are much stronger than we often think we are. And we are,... BECAUSE of Him.
Guess that's enough..... I'm just sort of wandering right now, and trying not to fall down. My head's on tight,.. it's my heart that keeps tripping me.
The girls have made 'closure cards', I call them anyway,... they made these cards to give to Grandma today. To tell her again how much they love her, and remind her that she will finally be all better in Heaven......... they mentioned about working on something for her yesterday, and then showed the finished products this morning. Needless to say, tears were shed,.... again. This is just SO hard,.. never gets any easier. I almost feel like it gets harder the more people you have to say goodbye to... even if it's not a permanent goodbye.
I know she will be in a better place,... afterall, there is no better place than with Jesus! And because of that, she is so lucky, and I REJOICE in it for her, and I am happy & excited for her and I celebrate it knowing she will be whole with Him,...... and she will never be in any pain again........ but I am also so very, very, VERY sad, and I feel so selfish because I do not want to let her go. I know God understands,.. He created us afterall, but I still feel guilty.
I know He needs her more than I do now, and I know she will continue to watch over me with Him, as so many others have been, too,... and we will see them all again one day. But my heart aches............ I feel like all the people who have had the biggest impact on my life, in the most positive ways, who have played the biggest parts in molding me into who I am today, whom I could always turn to for comfort & support,........ are all gone, except for my real mother, and my sister, Karissa. So I'm sad. But I want this peace for her sooooooooooooo bad at the same time!!!
I know the Lord will carry us through this. He will lift us up, and carry us through when the burden of our sorrow is too heavy for us to bare.......... and I know we are much stronger than we often think we are. And we are,... BECAUSE of Him.
Guess that's enough..... I'm just sort of wandering right now, and trying not to fall down. My head's on tight,.. it's my heart that keeps tripping me.
Monday, December 03, 2007
Timeline...
Just a quick update to let everyone know... the nurse has confirmed that things are going quickly now. Her guess on how much time is left,.. maybe a week. Could be a few days beyond, or could be less. Basically,.. any time now.
Please keep those prayers coming.
Please keep those prayers coming.
Fast Forward
It always amazes me how fast time seems to fly by. Year after year, it just seems to pick up pace and in what seems a blink of an eye, another year is gone. Children grow faster & faster,.. How I wish it would just slow down,.. even a little!
It seems like the more this world progresses in technology, the faster time escapes us. Everything is designed to be faster. I don't recall the days slipping away when I was a child, as they do in the here & now. We didn't have all the gadgets we have today,.. life didn't operate on hyperspeed. Seems to me that the better the world's 'technology' gets the more it takes away from what life really should be.
I'm tired of living life on fast forward..... of grasping at little moments, trying desperately to hold on and enjoy them before they're completely gone. Life is so precious, our time here is immeasureable in value, yet it slips so easily from our hands. We take it for granted that there will always be 'tomorrow'.
We have been fortunate to have been blessed with an extra 6 years with Mom, but her tomorrows are coming to an end. She's gotten worse over the weekend, and so much so that she can no longer leave the house. I talked to Dad (Albert) this morning, and things do not look good. he said she's in so much pain, and all she can do is sleep.
It's difficult to breathe even with the oxygen. I could see that when I was there Thursday evening, but otherwise she was still holding her own. Not the case now...
Dad said one of the hospice nurses are coming over to see her today. She'll see what she can do to help the pain, but mom has already been taking mega doses of morphine, and it's not helping. Her body has adjusted, and needs more, but whether or not it's safe to increase it any further is the big question. She'll also try to give us an estimated time-frame on how long she thinks Mom may have. Dad will keep us posted, and will call if we need to rush up there. For now, they want us to sit tight.
He said that she's ready to go, and that last night she was even apologizing to him for "taking so long"............ then he started to cry, but managed to quickly collect himself.
So, in your prayers, if you are not already,.. please make sure to include him. They have been together almost their entire lives... since they were children in school.
Celebrate life, stop and breathe it in, and find a way to slow yourselves down enough to capture what time you can... Hit the emergency stop button,... before it's gone.
It seems like the more this world progresses in technology, the faster time escapes us. Everything is designed to be faster. I don't recall the days slipping away when I was a child, as they do in the here & now. We didn't have all the gadgets we have today,.. life didn't operate on hyperspeed. Seems to me that the better the world's 'technology' gets the more it takes away from what life really should be.
I'm tired of living life on fast forward..... of grasping at little moments, trying desperately to hold on and enjoy them before they're completely gone. Life is so precious, our time here is immeasureable in value, yet it slips so easily from our hands. We take it for granted that there will always be 'tomorrow'.
We have been fortunate to have been blessed with an extra 6 years with Mom, but her tomorrows are coming to an end. She's gotten worse over the weekend, and so much so that she can no longer leave the house. I talked to Dad (Albert) this morning, and things do not look good. he said she's in so much pain, and all she can do is sleep.
It's difficult to breathe even with the oxygen. I could see that when I was there Thursday evening, but otherwise she was still holding her own. Not the case now...
Dad said one of the hospice nurses are coming over to see her today. She'll see what she can do to help the pain, but mom has already been taking mega doses of morphine, and it's not helping. Her body has adjusted, and needs more, but whether or not it's safe to increase it any further is the big question. She'll also try to give us an estimated time-frame on how long she thinks Mom may have. Dad will keep us posted, and will call if we need to rush up there. For now, they want us to sit tight.
He said that she's ready to go, and that last night she was even apologizing to him for "taking so long"............ then he started to cry, but managed to quickly collect himself.
So, in your prayers, if you are not already,.. please make sure to include him. They have been together almost their entire lives... since they were children in school.
Celebrate life, stop and breathe it in, and find a way to slow yourselves down enough to capture what time you can... Hit the emergency stop button,... before it's gone.
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Countdown to Christmas
Well, it's official,.. we're counting down to Christmas! I still cannot believe it's this time of year again already! We started decorating over the weekend, and will continue throughout this week, but I thought I'd share a picture of the tree. The girls decorated it themselves..... Happy Holidays, everybody!
Saturday, December 01, 2007
World AIDS Day
Today is World AIDS Day... One way you can help is to go to worldvision.org, and make a donation, or even better yet,... sponsor a HopeChild, like Robinah.
Robinah is my HopeChild, and lives in a village in Uganda. Uganda is a country in Africa that is heavily inflicted with HIV/AIDS, and there is little available healthcare, except that which comes from people like you & I who make the important decision to sponsor. Sponsoring also enables education for the children,.. many cannot afford to go to school. Sponsoring also can provide clean water & healthy, nutritious food for children & their families. Clean water is scarce in most of these villages. And this is not limited to Uganda,... there are many other countries in despair like Kenya, Rwanda, Malawi, Zambia, and many, many others.
I began sponsoring her about a month ago, and I already feel so blessed to have her in my life. Robinah is almost 7 years old, and is fortunate to still have both of her parents and siblings, although they are very poor and struggle to survive. Many children are not as fortunate as Robinah in having their parents still with them... Most children have lost at least one parent to HIV/AIDS, some have lost both, and others are completely orphaned.
Please consider sponsoring a child today,... for a small monthly cost of $35 you can do a world of good. And many of us spend more than that a month just at Starbucks alone........... So, lattes? Or, contributing towards healthcare, textbooks, food & clean water. Lattes? Or,..... LIFE.
Think about it.
Thanks for your time guys! God bless!
Robinah is my HopeChild, and lives in a village in Uganda. Uganda is a country in Africa that is heavily inflicted with HIV/AIDS, and there is little available healthcare, except that which comes from people like you & I who make the important decision to sponsor. Sponsoring also enables education for the children,.. many cannot afford to go to school. Sponsoring also can provide clean water & healthy, nutritious food for children & their families. Clean water is scarce in most of these villages. And this is not limited to Uganda,... there are many other countries in despair like Kenya, Rwanda, Malawi, Zambia, and many, many others.
I began sponsoring her about a month ago, and I already feel so blessed to have her in my life. Robinah is almost 7 years old, and is fortunate to still have both of her parents and siblings, although they are very poor and struggle to survive. Many children are not as fortunate as Robinah in having their parents still with them... Most children have lost at least one parent to HIV/AIDS, some have lost both, and others are completely orphaned.
Please consider sponsoring a child today,... for a small monthly cost of $35 you can do a world of good. And many of us spend more than that a month just at Starbucks alone........... So, lattes? Or, contributing towards healthcare, textbooks, food & clean water. Lattes? Or,..... LIFE.
Think about it.
Thanks for your time guys! God bless!
Friday, November 30, 2007
Operation: GIVE
I just want to take opportunity to share this information with everyone. This time of year many find it standard procedure to get together with family & friends, and shower one another with presents. But we should all remember that the greatest gift we can give anyone is love... especially to those less fortunate than ourselves. This is something that should be spread throughout the entire year, but since the holidays so heavily emphasize on giving by way of capitalizing on commercionalism, I feel the need to address the true spirit of the holiday season.
Most know the "reason for the season",... how about we reflect that by giving of our hearts,.. by sharing His love,.. by helping those of less fortune. I strongly encourage you to consider reaching out to those in need. You don't have to be a Believer, you don't have to be wealthy... all you need is love.
You can drop off a new, unwrapped toy at most any local fire or police department, church, and many retail stores & shopping malls.
Giving can be as simple as donating your time,.. volunteer to help with your local food drive, by helping in boxing up donated goods, or volunteering your car and helping to deliver those boxes to the designated families. I can tell you from experience in both building the care packages as well as delivering them,.. it is a WONDERFUL feeling!
Local missions & shelters can get overwhelmed by the abundance of people in need during the winter months, and especially at the holidays. Donations often go directly to those who need it most. Most are short-handed and can use extra volunteers to help serve meals... volunteering at your local "soup kitchen" is an excellent way to "give love". Meals on Wheels can get overwhelmed this time of year as well. For ourselves, we help out our local Battered Women & Children's Shelter whenever we can.
Contact your local Red Cross and give blood... give the gift of life! Visit http://www.givelife2.org/donor/default.asp for more information.
I would also like to encourage you to consider signing up for the "Any Soldier" support effort at anysoldier.com. The girls & I have adopted an entire Marine unit to send letters, cards, pictures, snacks, and other tidbits to. Soldiers who don't have the family support other's do, soldiers who would give almost anything for a small reminder of home, a reminder that they are appreciated,.. that they are loved, and that they are not alone. Whether for one soldier, or a dozen, every little bit helps!
Another great way of reaching out is another program near & dear to my heart... "World Vision International". You may have begun seeing ads for them on tv and even many social & business networks already. I urge you to consider them in your gift-giving... get involved. Make a donation, or better yet if you have the means, sponsor a child. There are thousands of sponsor children waiting for someone like you! In addition, there are children with even higher needs,.. Hope Children. These children are from specific villages in African countries and other countries around the world devastated by HIV/AIDS. Your help can supply these children & families with clean water, healthy food, education and healthcare. You can get more information at worldvision.org.
I have also come across an item, that for being a small & affordable trinket, it packs a lot of encouragement. It's called a 'Pocket Angel', and perhaps you've heard of them already, too, but it is amazing how something so simple can mean so much to someone. There are many sites out there where you can purchase these, but my site of choice is the Sattva Gallery at sattvagallery.com. These are of the same or similar quality that you will find at the other sites, although these are available for only $1.00 each. The soldiers in our sponsored Marine unit, as well as our HopeChild, will be recieving these in with their care packages... will you consider doing the same?
If you're short on time or money, and think, "I'd like to, but I just can't", I urge you to consider this,.. Gift giving doesn't have to be extravagant. Love is free... Try helping someone locate or reach an item at the store, helping with getting someone's groceries to the car... How about when going through the checkout, and the cashier says. "Hi, how are you?"... instead of most people's usual grumble about being tired, what if you say something like, "I'm good, thank you for asking, and how are you?".... you know, even a smile can do someone a world of good!
The greatest gift is love,... and should be shared throughout the year, not just at the holidays. But now is a perfect time to start. I encourage you to search inside yourselves, and if you have the means to reach out in any of these ways, or others,.. please do. XOXO
Most know the "reason for the season",... how about we reflect that by giving of our hearts,.. by sharing His love,.. by helping those of less fortune. I strongly encourage you to consider reaching out to those in need. You don't have to be a Believer, you don't have to be wealthy... all you need is love.
You can drop off a new, unwrapped toy at most any local fire or police department, church, and many retail stores & shopping malls.
Giving can be as simple as donating your time,.. volunteer to help with your local food drive, by helping in boxing up donated goods, or volunteering your car and helping to deliver those boxes to the designated families. I can tell you from experience in both building the care packages as well as delivering them,.. it is a WONDERFUL feeling!
Local missions & shelters can get overwhelmed by the abundance of people in need during the winter months, and especially at the holidays. Donations often go directly to those who need it most. Most are short-handed and can use extra volunteers to help serve meals... volunteering at your local "soup kitchen" is an excellent way to "give love". Meals on Wheels can get overwhelmed this time of year as well. For ourselves, we help out our local Battered Women & Children's Shelter whenever we can.
Contact your local Red Cross and give blood... give the gift of life! Visit http://www.givelife2.org/donor/default.asp for more information.
I would also like to encourage you to consider signing up for the "Any Soldier" support effort at anysoldier.com. The girls & I have adopted an entire Marine unit to send letters, cards, pictures, snacks, and other tidbits to. Soldiers who don't have the family support other's do, soldiers who would give almost anything for a small reminder of home, a reminder that they are appreciated,.. that they are loved, and that they are not alone. Whether for one soldier, or a dozen, every little bit helps!
Another great way of reaching out is another program near & dear to my heart... "World Vision International". You may have begun seeing ads for them on tv and even many social & business networks already. I urge you to consider them in your gift-giving... get involved. Make a donation, or better yet if you have the means, sponsor a child. There are thousands of sponsor children waiting for someone like you! In addition, there are children with even higher needs,.. Hope Children. These children are from specific villages in African countries and other countries around the world devastated by HIV/AIDS. Your help can supply these children & families with clean water, healthy food, education and healthcare. You can get more information at worldvision.org.
I have also come across an item, that for being a small & affordable trinket, it packs a lot of encouragement. It's called a 'Pocket Angel', and perhaps you've heard of them already, too, but it is amazing how something so simple can mean so much to someone. There are many sites out there where you can purchase these, but my site of choice is the Sattva Gallery at sattvagallery.com. These are of the same or similar quality that you will find at the other sites, although these are available for only $1.00 each. The soldiers in our sponsored Marine unit, as well as our HopeChild, will be recieving these in with their care packages... will you consider doing the same?
If you're short on time or money, and think, "I'd like to, but I just can't", I urge you to consider this,.. Gift giving doesn't have to be extravagant. Love is free... Try helping someone locate or reach an item at the store, helping with getting someone's groceries to the car... How about when going through the checkout, and the cashier says. "Hi, how are you?"... instead of most people's usual grumble about being tired, what if you say something like, "I'm good, thank you for asking, and how are you?".... you know, even a smile can do someone a world of good!
The greatest gift is love,... and should be shared throughout the year, not just at the holidays. But now is a perfect time to start. I encourage you to search inside yourselves, and if you have the means to reach out in any of these ways, or others,.. please do. XOXO
*Life is a Gift*
Something to think about. (Thank you, Melissa Stuhr!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend.
He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, "If I could only see the world, I would marry you."
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.
He asked her,' Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.
Her boyfriend left her in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'
This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.
Life Is a Gift
Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.
Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.
Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the
unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.
Before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us is without sin & we'll answer to one MAKER.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and thank GOD you're alive and still around.
Remember everything that happens happens for a reason!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend.
He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, "If I could only see the world, I would marry you."
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.
He asked her,' Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.
Her boyfriend left her in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'
This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.
Life Is a Gift
Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.
Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.
Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the
unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.
Before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us is without sin & we'll answer to one MAKER.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and thank GOD you're alive and still around.
Remember everything that happens happens for a reason!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Preparations...
The girls & I had to run up to the shop this evening (Scott needed me to sign some business papers) so we checked, and Mom was feeling up to a visit. She looked really good despite how she's feeling. She seemed a little perkier than she was yesterday, and a rosiness in her cheeks. Her hair was freshly washed so it was soft & feathery... reminds me of angel's wings. We didn't stay long as we still had an hour drive ahead of us back home, and with the weather changing we didn't want to push it. She was tired, too, and we didn't want to prevent her from getting some rest. And, her youngest sister, Linda, was going to be coming over about an hour later to help her with several things also. I am thankful that Linda has been of such great support for her.
We'll be going back up, perhaps Monday morning, depending on how this snow storm effects things, and whether she's up to it, but she wants us to help go through personal belongings... a tought thing to face, but it will hold more meaning for all if we do it together with her. She also has asked me to help her figure out thoughts on how to rearrange their living room so that there is more room for people to come & visit since she won't be able to leave the house much longer. Hard stuff to face...
So, I just ask again for prayers for her, and for our family, as we prepare for what lies ahead.
We'll be going back up, perhaps Monday morning, depending on how this snow storm effects things, and whether she's up to it, but she wants us to help go through personal belongings... a tought thing to face, but it will hold more meaning for all if we do it together with her. She also has asked me to help her figure out thoughts on how to rearrange their living room so that there is more room for people to come & visit since she won't be able to leave the house much longer. Hard stuff to face...
So, I just ask again for prayers for her, and for our family, as we prepare for what lies ahead.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Carol's Birthday TODAY... Please read/Call
I have a HUGE favor to ask. For those who personally know Scott's mom,.. OUR mom,.. could you please give her a quick telephone call to wish her a "Happy Birthday"?
If you need her home phone number, let me know... I will check this periodically throughout the day, just in case. If you don't have her number, but you have mine, you can also feel free to call me for it.
She is 59 years old today, and today also marks SIX (6) YEARS to the very day that she recieved that devestating phonecall from the doctor's office (whom did not realize it was her birthday), and told her she had ovarian cancer. None of us thought she would make it to this birthday so this is truly an awesome one to celebrate & acknowledge... she has beaten the odds, and the crappy statistics that tell us all that an average of 80% of women with OVC only make it somewhere between the 3rd-4th year after diagnosis... and that only a meager fraction actually make it to 5 years. Well, she surpassed it all, and even after having her initial oncologist tell her she may want to consider stopping chemo and letting herself go,.. after only her first year of chemo!
We have been so very blessed to have been gifted these last 6 years with her... we have continually prayed day after day for more time..... because our selfish, human hearts do not want to let go..... and God has granted us these favors. But the time has come for God to say "Enough, my children... I need her home. Let her have peace with me." I have to tell you, my heart is so torn... I want that peace for her so badly, and I rejoice knowing that she will be whole again very soon. But at the same time, my heart aches & weeps anticipating the emptiness that will follow her departure from this world..... I know it is not 'goodbye',.. only a 'see you later', but the sorrow remains. I just cannot imagine life without her in it. She has been such a constant inspiration for me. She has not been my 'mother-in-law', but my MOM, and I love her immensley.
We have had a couple of different birthday celebrations with her the past couple weekends,.. one with my family & one with Albert's family, but today is her actual birthday..... I had planned to take the girls up to spend the afternoon with her, even if just to sit with her, but she is not up for it, and that really says a lot. I can honestly say that this is probably the first time in the 16+ years I have known her, that she has turned down any kind of visit from anyone,.... especially from me & the girls.
She's not doing well. She's been going downhill all this past week. This weekend's get together was almost too much for her, but she appreciated so much that our families wanted to spend that special time with her. It meant a lot to her that these things were planned.... even if she wasn't really up to being there.
Her lungs are filling up quickly now,... the tumors have really been taking over, and the descent is now clearly taking place. The time is near. She is now on oxygen as of yesterday... it's helping her breathe a lot more comfortably, but she's very tired, and has little energy.
I have something I would like to share here, and this in no way is meant to be taken poorly by anyone, especially those who are family. This is sincere & heartfelt, and I just want to share what's happening..... because I love her so intensley, and it kills me to know how much she is hurting both physically & emotionally.
Mom's parents have left for Arizona. They had not planned on going this year when suddenly her mom changed her mind. I guess she decided she did not want to be here when Carol goes. I know that this is hard for her,.. I don't care how old you are, it can never be easy to lose a child. I think all parents hope to go before their children. Carol is also her first born. Those who know her mom, know that Grandma has never been outwardly warm & fuzzy,... she loves us all dearly, you just don't often 'see' it the way you can in most other people, and she deals with emotion & grief differently from most of the rest of us, too, and that's just her way.
But, Scott & I are having a difficult time with what feels like an abandonment of Mom. She is extremely hurt, and I am the only one whom she has allowed see this pain. She does not typically like other's to know she is hurting whether it's physical or emotional, she always tries to hide it,.. for your sake. And if you ask her straight-up, she will flat out try to deny it. She doesn't want others to worry, she doesn't want to be a burden, she wants to protect us all as much as possible,.. she is ALWAYS thinking of everyone else first. That's the amazing woman she is. But I saw this hurt in her,... she did try to pretend it wasn't there, but I embraced her, and the moment I did,... she sobbed.
She had to go through the pain of saying goodbye to them, knowing it was the last time she would ever see them. She has shed a lot of tears since then over it, too. They left only 2 days before her birthday,.... her mom did call her today, but also told her that she had forgotten her birthday was today, and that she thought it had been on the 21st. I know Grandma did not intend to hurt Mom, but she did. She was already hurting enough without knowing that. I honestly do not know what to do with the feelings I am having right now,... I feel so helpless to not be able to protect her from the pain & the grief she is experiencing right now. I feel so much pain for her, and truth be told, I am feeling a bit of resentment about all of this. And I just don't know what to do with that except to just give it all over to the Lord, and continue to pray for a peaceful spirit,... along with strength to endure the pain of these days.
Please, if you are a Believer, of whatever faith,... please reach out in prayer for Carol, for our family, and for anyone who has ever had the great pleasure of knowing this amazing woman we love so much.
My relationship with her wasn't always so rosey. When I first entered this family, I was still dealing with a lot of ghosts from my past. I was going through a great deal of bitterness from all the abuse I went through that started clear back as a toddler and carried on through my teens, until I met my husband. Unfortunately, I channeled a lot of my resentments... right at her. But you know, that never stopped her from loving me & accepting me, and she continued to blanket me with that love regardless of how I tried to shut her out. Then there finally came a day where God lifted the darkness from my life, and I was able to let go..... and I finally saw her for who she is. And I was forever changed. I have been blessed to have had a closeness with her like no other..... she has been my support, my counselor, my friend......... and has taken up a very large piece of my heart. She took a troubled girl who didn't know how to love or forgive, and she helped mold me into who I am today. She helped me find myself,... she picked up where my grandparents left off, God rest them, and reminded me of what they had instilled in me when I was young. Where I would be without her I cannot tell you. Who I am, and who I will continue to be,.. is because of her.
I have learned so much from her,... she has taught me so much about life. She's taught me by example, and I can only hope to carry on the things I have learned from her........ Her life has been filled with unconditional love & selfless giving of herself to others,... both known & unknown.
She has touched countless lives,... and we are forever changed by the impact she has made on us.
So, again I ask of you,...if you have had the great pleasure of knowing her, please celebrate her today. And if you are able, please give her a quick phonecall to wish her a happy birthday. You will need to try to keep it short, but I know it would mean SO much to her. If you need the number, please let me know.
God Bless!!
If you need her home phone number, let me know... I will check this periodically throughout the day, just in case. If you don't have her number, but you have mine, you can also feel free to call me for it.
She is 59 years old today, and today also marks SIX (6) YEARS to the very day that she recieved that devestating phonecall from the doctor's office (whom did not realize it was her birthday), and told her she had ovarian cancer. None of us thought she would make it to this birthday so this is truly an awesome one to celebrate & acknowledge... she has beaten the odds, and the crappy statistics that tell us all that an average of 80% of women with OVC only make it somewhere between the 3rd-4th year after diagnosis... and that only a meager fraction actually make it to 5 years. Well, she surpassed it all, and even after having her initial oncologist tell her she may want to consider stopping chemo and letting herself go,.. after only her first year of chemo!
We have been so very blessed to have been gifted these last 6 years with her... we have continually prayed day after day for more time..... because our selfish, human hearts do not want to let go..... and God has granted us these favors. But the time has come for God to say "Enough, my children... I need her home. Let her have peace with me." I have to tell you, my heart is so torn... I want that peace for her so badly, and I rejoice knowing that she will be whole again very soon. But at the same time, my heart aches & weeps anticipating the emptiness that will follow her departure from this world..... I know it is not 'goodbye',.. only a 'see you later', but the sorrow remains. I just cannot imagine life without her in it. She has been such a constant inspiration for me. She has not been my 'mother-in-law', but my MOM, and I love her immensley.
We have had a couple of different birthday celebrations with her the past couple weekends,.. one with my family & one with Albert's family, but today is her actual birthday..... I had planned to take the girls up to spend the afternoon with her, even if just to sit with her, but she is not up for it, and that really says a lot. I can honestly say that this is probably the first time in the 16+ years I have known her, that she has turned down any kind of visit from anyone,.... especially from me & the girls.
She's not doing well. She's been going downhill all this past week. This weekend's get together was almost too much for her, but she appreciated so much that our families wanted to spend that special time with her. It meant a lot to her that these things were planned.... even if she wasn't really up to being there.
Her lungs are filling up quickly now,... the tumors have really been taking over, and the descent is now clearly taking place. The time is near. She is now on oxygen as of yesterday... it's helping her breathe a lot more comfortably, but she's very tired, and has little energy.
I have something I would like to share here, and this in no way is meant to be taken poorly by anyone, especially those who are family. This is sincere & heartfelt, and I just want to share what's happening..... because I love her so intensley, and it kills me to know how much she is hurting both physically & emotionally.
Mom's parents have left for Arizona. They had not planned on going this year when suddenly her mom changed her mind. I guess she decided she did not want to be here when Carol goes. I know that this is hard for her,.. I don't care how old you are, it can never be easy to lose a child. I think all parents hope to go before their children. Carol is also her first born. Those who know her mom, know that Grandma has never been outwardly warm & fuzzy,... she loves us all dearly, you just don't often 'see' it the way you can in most other people, and she deals with emotion & grief differently from most of the rest of us, too, and that's just her way.
But, Scott & I are having a difficult time with what feels like an abandonment of Mom. She is extremely hurt, and I am the only one whom she has allowed see this pain. She does not typically like other's to know she is hurting whether it's physical or emotional, she always tries to hide it,.. for your sake. And if you ask her straight-up, she will flat out try to deny it. She doesn't want others to worry, she doesn't want to be a burden, she wants to protect us all as much as possible,.. she is ALWAYS thinking of everyone else first. That's the amazing woman she is. But I saw this hurt in her,... she did try to pretend it wasn't there, but I embraced her, and the moment I did,... she sobbed.
She had to go through the pain of saying goodbye to them, knowing it was the last time she would ever see them. She has shed a lot of tears since then over it, too. They left only 2 days before her birthday,.... her mom did call her today, but also told her that she had forgotten her birthday was today, and that she thought it had been on the 21st. I know Grandma did not intend to hurt Mom, but she did. She was already hurting enough without knowing that. I honestly do not know what to do with the feelings I am having right now,... I feel so helpless to not be able to protect her from the pain & the grief she is experiencing right now. I feel so much pain for her, and truth be told, I am feeling a bit of resentment about all of this. And I just don't know what to do with that except to just give it all over to the Lord, and continue to pray for a peaceful spirit,... along with strength to endure the pain of these days.
Please, if you are a Believer, of whatever faith,... please reach out in prayer for Carol, for our family, and for anyone who has ever had the great pleasure of knowing this amazing woman we love so much.
My relationship with her wasn't always so rosey. When I first entered this family, I was still dealing with a lot of ghosts from my past. I was going through a great deal of bitterness from all the abuse I went through that started clear back as a toddler and carried on through my teens, until I met my husband. Unfortunately, I channeled a lot of my resentments... right at her. But you know, that never stopped her from loving me & accepting me, and she continued to blanket me with that love regardless of how I tried to shut her out. Then there finally came a day where God lifted the darkness from my life, and I was able to let go..... and I finally saw her for who she is. And I was forever changed. I have been blessed to have had a closeness with her like no other..... she has been my support, my counselor, my friend......... and has taken up a very large piece of my heart. She took a troubled girl who didn't know how to love or forgive, and she helped mold me into who I am today. She helped me find myself,... she picked up where my grandparents left off, God rest them, and reminded me of what they had instilled in me when I was young. Where I would be without her I cannot tell you. Who I am, and who I will continue to be,.. is because of her.
I have learned so much from her,... she has taught me so much about life. She's taught me by example, and I can only hope to carry on the things I have learned from her........ Her life has been filled with unconditional love & selfless giving of herself to others,... both known & unknown.
She has touched countless lives,... and we are forever changed by the impact she has made on us.
So, again I ask of you,...if you have had the great pleasure of knowing her, please celebrate her today. And if you are able, please give her a quick phonecall to wish her a happy birthday. You will need to try to keep it short, but I know it would mean SO much to her. If you need the number, please let me know.
God Bless!!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Knappa Bomb Threat
Oddly enough I came across this article only about 20 minutes after my last post!
And some people wonder why I homeschool...
---
By KARA HANSEN
The Daily Astorian
KNAPPA - The Knappa student responsible for the bomb threat that sparked a districtwide evacuation could face a civil lawsuit, Superintendent Rick Pass said as authorities scoured Knappa schools for evidence Monday afternoon.
An 18-year-old, Josh Hansen, was arrested in connection with the incident Monday night.
It was late morning when another student found the note warning a bomb was left in either the high school or Hilda Lahti Elementary, which shares the same grounds. Discovered in a high school restroom, the half-page letter said the schools "had better evacuate by 11:21, because that's when it was going off," the superintendent said.
Administrators emptied the buildings and loaded students onto buses with help from six drivers, who arrived within 10 minutes, Pass said. They drove to Big Creek Park, designated as a "staging area" for students to transfer to the appropriate buses for their rides home.
Parent-teacher conferences scheduled for Monday night were postponed until Nov. 26. The regular monthly school board meeting was also rescheduled, to Dec. 3. Other conferences continued as planned today, although students had already been granted the day off from school.
The bomb threat was Knappa's third in the past year, but the first of this school year. While no one was proven guilty in last year's hoaxes, Pass believed this case would be different.
"I think there are some good leads," he said Monday. "Then, I think we'll look at doing a civil lawsuit. We have approximately 80 staff members that are now off half a day, so there are quite a bit of wages involved there. ... Three times now this has happened, and it costs services."
After determining the threat of explosives was fake, authorities searched Knappa High School lockers and located a notebook with writing and torn-out pages they matched to the threatening note.
Clatsop County sheriff's deputies then interviewed Hansen, of Westport, and arrested him in connection with the hoax. Sheriff Tom Bergin said Hansen admitted writing the note. He was charged with disorderly conduct and initiating a false report and lodged overnight at the Clatsop County Jail.
Pass, the superintendent, said he was surprised. Hansen, who participated in track, attended Knappa schools on a courtesy enrollment from Clatskanie, outside the district, along with his younger brother and sister.
"He seems like really a nice young a man," Pass said. "It's not the stereotype I would think of. Of course, now the kids are safe, the next thing is to get him help. We're not going to drop that ball. We're going to make sure he gets that help."
In these circumstances, Pass said, he would normally recommend expelling a student, but the school board may also decide to revoke the courtesy enrollment that has allowed Hansen to attend Knappa schools. Under Oregon law, either Clatskanie or Knappa High must provide him with educational services, said Pass, because the accusations don't involve an actual weapon.
And some people wonder why I homeschool...
---
By KARA HANSEN
The Daily Astorian
KNAPPA - The Knappa student responsible for the bomb threat that sparked a districtwide evacuation could face a civil lawsuit, Superintendent Rick Pass said as authorities scoured Knappa schools for evidence Monday afternoon.
An 18-year-old, Josh Hansen, was arrested in connection with the incident Monday night.
It was late morning when another student found the note warning a bomb was left in either the high school or Hilda Lahti Elementary, which shares the same grounds. Discovered in a high school restroom, the half-page letter said the schools "had better evacuate by 11:21, because that's when it was going off," the superintendent said.
Administrators emptied the buildings and loaded students onto buses with help from six drivers, who arrived within 10 minutes, Pass said. They drove to Big Creek Park, designated as a "staging area" for students to transfer to the appropriate buses for their rides home.
Parent-teacher conferences scheduled for Monday night were postponed until Nov. 26. The regular monthly school board meeting was also rescheduled, to Dec. 3. Other conferences continued as planned today, although students had already been granted the day off from school.
The bomb threat was Knappa's third in the past year, but the first of this school year. While no one was proven guilty in last year's hoaxes, Pass believed this case would be different.
"I think there are some good leads," he said Monday. "Then, I think we'll look at doing a civil lawsuit. We have approximately 80 staff members that are now off half a day, so there are quite a bit of wages involved there. ... Three times now this has happened, and it costs services."
After determining the threat of explosives was fake, authorities searched Knappa High School lockers and located a notebook with writing and torn-out pages they matched to the threatening note.
Clatsop County sheriff's deputies then interviewed Hansen, of Westport, and arrested him in connection with the hoax. Sheriff Tom Bergin said Hansen admitted writing the note. He was charged with disorderly conduct and initiating a false report and lodged overnight at the Clatsop County Jail.
Pass, the superintendent, said he was surprised. Hansen, who participated in track, attended Knappa schools on a courtesy enrollment from Clatskanie, outside the district, along with his younger brother and sister.
"He seems like really a nice young a man," Pass said. "It's not the stereotype I would think of. Of course, now the kids are safe, the next thing is to get him help. We're not going to drop that ball. We're going to make sure he gets that help."
In these circumstances, Pass said, he would normally recommend expelling a student, but the school board may also decide to revoke the courtesy enrollment that has allowed Hansen to attend Knappa schools. Under Oregon law, either Clatskanie or Knappa High must provide him with educational services, said Pass, because the accusations don't involve an actual weapon.
Home Sweet Homeschool
Reading, & then reposting in my own blog, the last writing from Dana reminded me of a poem I wrote five years ago (11/11/2002), and why I'm so thankful that we still have the freedoms we do whereas others have been stripped of us. Why I'm thankful for the right to homeschool. Thought I'd share.....
Home Sweet Homeschool
Rise & shine, the sun's up, time to start a new day,
Stretching & yawning the sleep sand away,
Hot oatmeal for breakfast, buttered toast & jam,
We're ready for learning, we're God's little lambs,
No need to run 'round and make a big fuss,
Don't have to get dressed yet, or run for a bus...
Before starting our lessons we take time to pray,
Thanking our Lord we can stay home this way,
We say the Pledge of Allegiance, every line,
Reaffirming the words, "under God" each time,
We focus on reading, writing & math,
We study the Bible and follow it's path...
No fear about coaches who cross the line,
News of teachers & students that shiver the spine,
We don't have to worry about kids being cruel,
Or a bewildered child bringing a gun to school,
No bus drivers drinking before starting their route,
We're thankful we're home, beyond any doubt...
No, we're not sheltered, mom & dad strive,
To ensure and to nurture our social lives,
But outside activities are decided with care,
Making certain, for safety, our parents are there,
We enjoy music & dance, drama & art,
Play sports, go on field trips, and boy, are we smart...
We have all of the opportunities other kids do,
But we have one advantage, God's in our school,
We work one on one with our father's & mother's,
Sit side by side with our sisters & brothers,
For knowledge & wisdom others may roam,
But if you ask us, there's no place like home.
"Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you be? You ought to live holy and godly lives as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming." 2 Peter 3:11-12
"..... be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of lawless men and fall from your secure position. But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and forever! Amen." 2 Peter 3:17-18
Home Sweet Homeschool
Rise & shine, the sun's up, time to start a new day,
Stretching & yawning the sleep sand away,
Hot oatmeal for breakfast, buttered toast & jam,
We're ready for learning, we're God's little lambs,
No need to run 'round and make a big fuss,
Don't have to get dressed yet, or run for a bus...
Before starting our lessons we take time to pray,
Thanking our Lord we can stay home this way,
We say the Pledge of Allegiance, every line,
Reaffirming the words, "under God" each time,
We focus on reading, writing & math,
We study the Bible and follow it's path...
No fear about coaches who cross the line,
News of teachers & students that shiver the spine,
We don't have to worry about kids being cruel,
Or a bewildered child bringing a gun to school,
No bus drivers drinking before starting their route,
We're thankful we're home, beyond any doubt...
No, we're not sheltered, mom & dad strive,
To ensure and to nurture our social lives,
But outside activities are decided with care,
Making certain, for safety, our parents are there,
We enjoy music & dance, drama & art,
Play sports, go on field trips, and boy, are we smart...
We have all of the opportunities other kids do,
But we have one advantage, God's in our school,
We work one on one with our father's & mother's,
Sit side by side with our sisters & brothers,
For knowledge & wisdom others may roam,
But if you ask us, there's no place like home.
"Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you be? You ought to live holy and godly lives as you look forward to the day of God and speed its coming." 2 Peter 3:11-12
"..... be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of lawless men and fall from your secure position. But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and forever! Amen." 2 Peter 3:17-18
New School Prayer... Thx, Dana
Since the Pledge of Allegiance
and The Lord's Prayer
are not allowed in most
public schools anymore
Because the word "God" is mentioned....
A kid in Arizona wrote the attached
NEW School prayer :
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green, That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen
Jesus said,
"Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven" Mt 10:32
Not ashamed. Pass this on.
and The Lord's Prayer
are not allowed in most
public schools anymore
Because the word "God" is mentioned....
A kid in Arizona wrote the attached
NEW School prayer :
Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.
Our hair can be purple, orange or green, That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.
For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.
We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen
Jesus said,
"Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven" Mt 10:32
Not ashamed. Pass this on.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Tea Time & Birthday Celebration!
Carol had requested a small get together with my immediate family whom she had not seen since January, and asked that it include a dress-up tea party for my girls & my neice. I think this was to help them remember the occasion... another "memory-maker". Thank you also to the family for coming, and for making this a special day with her. It really meant a lot. To everyone else, please enjoy the slideshow! Also, below,... a favorite photo from the surprise early-birthday party we held for her following the tea party.
Happy Birthday, Mom,... We love you!!!
Happy Birthday, Mom,... We love you!!!
Monday, November 12, 2007
Insert *big cheesey grin* HERE
The last day of our trip was October 13th, and Scott's birthday. We spent the day at Six Flags-Discovery Kingdom theme park in Vallejo. With lots of Warner Brothers characters, animals, and freaky-fun rides it is a stop not to miss... This is a great place for anyone wanting all the rides of a major theme park, sea mammal shows you'd find similar to SeaWorld complete with dolphins, killer whale, and silly sealions, as well as charateristics of the San Diego Zoo which includes zebras, lions, tigers, sharks, alligators, penguins... you get the idea.
And, for a lot cheaper than the other hot spots.
The other places are awesome, and we will still visit them again, but as for a great place that provides a similar taste of the others combined, with an affordable price, it's a great option.
And where else can you play tug-of-war with an elephant?
Aaaand,.. only being a 9 hour drive from home, we'll be able to get season passes and make a few 3-4 day "weekender" trips through the year. Insert *big cheesey grin* HERE, LOL.
This is definitely a worthwhile place to go for a vacation with all the bells & whistles without the pricetag to go along with it. Definitely a lot more bang for your buck, and absolutely fun for the whole family... we HIGHLY reccommend it.
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And last, but certainly not least... I just have to say about this last photo to the right, that this ride was one of THE highlights of the trip,.. one of many, but the fact that we got to do something this wild & crazy with mom was really, really COOL. She played it safe & took it easy through most of the trip,.. stuck to rides that were easier on the body (I wasn't nearly as smart, LOL), and then for one last big hoo-rah, she chose the MEDUSA of all things to go for a whirl on,... AWESOME!! While I was both screaming, laughing, and praying to my sweet Jesus (seriously, I was), I can clearly remember her laughing, shouting out "Yes, oh, yes!!", and whooping it up, thoroughly enjoying herself! It really was a blast, and something that will never be forgotten.
Because of you, Mom,.. that was the BEST RIDE EVER!!
And, if any of you want a good laugh, take a closer look at my face in this particular snapshot that Courtney captured of us as we raced by on an upswing, and you will see me with my tongue sticking out. Why, you might ask? Because I just so happened to be one of those unfortunate souls that while speeding along at 70-some-odd-miles-per-hour with my mouth wide open screaming,...... I hit a bug. I know,.. haha. Okay, you can stop now. *cough-gasp* LOL
Sunday, November 11, 2007
It's a Small World
Our jont to Disneyland was just for the afternoon on October 12th,... just Scott & I & the girls while the folks went on ahead, and we met up with that evening at our next stop just north of San Fransisco. One of our main reasons for wanting to take the kids over to Disneyland this time was because when we were there a year ago, although there for most of a week, the one ride that Grandma had wanted to take the girls on had been closed, much to our disappointment. Going to Disney this time was going to make for a long day since it still meant a 6-7 hour drive on up to San Raphael which is why Grandma & Papa went on ahead. We wanted to be able to share that with the kids,.. for Grandma. We did enjoy a few other aspects of the park that afternoon, but this was our main reason for going.
So, without further adew (did I even spell that right? LOL)...
I give you....... "It's a Small World".
Silly, Goofy, WONDERFUL Days Together...
We spent October 10th & 11th at Universal Studios where we had more fun & memorable experiences.....
We enjoyed Shrek 4-D, an AMAZING WaterWorld show, a thrilling ride through Jurassic Park, and met many favorite characters like Spongebob, Shrek,..
Here are some more favorites:
And one of my FAVORITE shots from this stop...
Scary how much he fits the part, LOL!
Love ya, baby!
Saturday, November 10, 2007
An Experience of a Lifetime...
Some favorite pics from our days at SeaWorld-San Diego, October 8th & 9th. Please enjoy.
THANK YOU, MOM,... for a wonderful trip, and for the chance to share some AMAZING experiences with you. Especially this one... This picture has to be one of my very favorites. We will treasure these moments,.. these MEMORIES with you forever. I LOVE YOU.
THANK YOU, MOM,... for a wonderful trip, and for the chance to share some AMAZING experiences with you. Especially this one... This picture has to be one of my very favorites. We will treasure these moments,.. these MEMORIES with you forever. I LOVE YOU.
Friday, November 09, 2007
*ENJOY LIFE*
I know it's been a little while again since I've posted anything... once school got started, things got busier than ever, and then shortly after that, Mom (Carol) had been been doing so surprisingly well that she decided she wanted us all to try to take one more big vacation together. So we did! We spent 10 days together,.. only two on the road back & forth from home, and eight at various attractions/theme parks. I will post on the stops individually with favorite snapshots from each to share with you. Our first stop, was Knott's Berry Farm.
Before I post more photos, I would just like to note what an incredible blessing this trip was, and how fortunate we are that we got to go do this together, and experience the amazing things that we did... and all the unforgettable moments we got to share with her.
When she got out of the hospital the end of June, after being in there for a month & having surgery,.. she was taken off of chemo, put on medication & hospice, and basically told she'd be lucky to make it to August. The first two weeks home, looked pretty grim, but then suddenly her body perked back up. All that poison finally got out of her system from the chemo, and she actually got to feel pretty good for awhile,... and once again, longer than the doctors prognosis by a long shot.
She has begun going back downhill over the weeks since our return, and only the Lord knows how much time is left. But I am just so humbled by His grace, and so very, very grateful for all of the extra time he has given us these past 6 years, and especially this year. He has given us gifts beyond measure in the time we have had with her.
And, I just want to remind those out there who may also face a terminal illness that truly,.. People, God is the only one who knows how much time is left. Statistics are just numbers, and time & time again we have seen loved ones beat those odds. Surely, we have also watched as loved ones left us even faster than the time those statistics told us they might have, but I tell you this... We live on God's watch. Not the doctor's, not our own,.. We go when He says it's time. So don't give up. Give your dispair over to Him, and you fight! You never know what extra time He has planned for you,...
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Celebrating Fall
Ah, our favorite time of year... Autumn. The glorious array of warm, rich colors that surround us as the crispness of the cooling air nips at your cheeks & nose, and the refreshing, healing rain that begins once again to fall down from God's sky to nourish all living things. I LOVE FALL.
This is how we chose to present our pumpkins this year...
(Top left: Brittney's, Top right: Courtney's, Bottom left: Mommy's and Bottom right: Ashley's)
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
The Day the Eagle Cried
I wrote this a year after the towers fell,... thought I'd share it.
In steadfast & loving memory of 9/11...
******************
A beautiful morning, that September dawn,
The sun shining down, life strolling along,
Children eating breakfast, mom straightening dad's tie,
Not knowing how shortly the nation would cry "why?"
Too soon the pain coming would be realized,
This was the day the eagle would cry...
---
Planes flying closely, their intent we'd soon know,
With loved ones held captive by terrorist foe,
Through one crash, then another, the towers did sway,
They tumbled and crumbled, then gave away,
Tears streamed down, hearts broke inside,
It was the day the eagle cried...
---
Sirens screaming, smoke climbed the skies,
Our heros ran quickly with tears in their eyes,
Firefighters determined to find & rescue,
Worked side by side with their brothers in blue,
But one loss after another, the numbers did tally,
Soul after soul walked through the Valley,
As viewers sat glued to their sets nationwide,
That terrible day the eagle cried...
---
The terror this day had only begun,
Still more crashes came, the tragedy not done,
The assassins continued, more pain they'd inflict,
The heart of the Pentagon would be their next hit,
Soon after brave passengers would falter their plan,
As their plane crashed down on Pennsylvania land,
Instead of the White House, believed the next site,
The eagle cried out as more people died...
---
Years gone by, the pain is still real,
But steadily God touches us, and we begin to heal,
We'll not ever forget, the memory lives on,
Our prayers continue, our faith keeps us strong,
With His Word to guide us, the horizon's in sight,
In spite of their efforts, together we'll fight,
No terror how great can make us divide,
Not even the day the eagle cried.
In steadfast & loving memory of 9/11...
******************
A beautiful morning, that September dawn,
The sun shining down, life strolling along,
Children eating breakfast, mom straightening dad's tie,
Not knowing how shortly the nation would cry "why?"
Too soon the pain coming would be realized,
This was the day the eagle would cry...
---
Planes flying closely, their intent we'd soon know,
With loved ones held captive by terrorist foe,
Through one crash, then another, the towers did sway,
They tumbled and crumbled, then gave away,
Tears streamed down, hearts broke inside,
It was the day the eagle cried...
---
Sirens screaming, smoke climbed the skies,
Our heros ran quickly with tears in their eyes,
Firefighters determined to find & rescue,
Worked side by side with their brothers in blue,
But one loss after another, the numbers did tally,
Soul after soul walked through the Valley,
As viewers sat glued to their sets nationwide,
That terrible day the eagle cried...
---
The terror this day had only begun,
Still more crashes came, the tragedy not done,
The assassins continued, more pain they'd inflict,
The heart of the Pentagon would be their next hit,
Soon after brave passengers would falter their plan,
As their plane crashed down on Pennsylvania land,
Instead of the White House, believed the next site,
The eagle cried out as more people died...
---
Years gone by, the pain is still real,
But steadily God touches us, and we begin to heal,
We'll not ever forget, the memory lives on,
Our prayers continue, our faith keeps us strong,
With His Word to guide us, the horizon's in sight,
In spite of their efforts, together we'll fight,
No terror how great can make us divide,
Not even the day the eagle cried.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Back-to-School
WooHooooo!! I always get excited this time of year,... I don't know why, but I do.
Now, my kids don't go to public, or even private school so it's not like I'm breaking out the champagne because I've managed to survive the summer, but will now finally have my kids out of my hair for 7 hours a day. LOL
No, I homeschool, and I have my kids pretty much 24/7, 365 days a year,...... and I love it. My excitement probably has to do with the wonders of what the new school year will bring... I usually can't wait to get my hands on the new curriculum. I will sit on the living room floor for literally HOURS thumbing through all of the Science, History & Geography, Language Arts (English/Grammar), Mathematics, Penmanship, Art, etc., etc. books for each of my girls to see what's in store for broadening our minds. This year we are simultaneously tackling the 2nd, 4th & 6th grades, and it all starts tomorrow!
Call me crazy, I don't care,................. I am totally psyched!! =P
Now, my kids don't go to public, or even private school so it's not like I'm breaking out the champagne because I've managed to survive the summer, but will now finally have my kids out of my hair for 7 hours a day. LOL
No, I homeschool, and I have my kids pretty much 24/7, 365 days a year,...... and I love it. My excitement probably has to do with the wonders of what the new school year will bring... I usually can't wait to get my hands on the new curriculum. I will sit on the living room floor for literally HOURS thumbing through all of the Science, History & Geography, Language Arts (English/Grammar), Mathematics, Penmanship, Art, etc., etc. books for each of my girls to see what's in store for broadening our minds. This year we are simultaneously tackling the 2nd, 4th & 6th grades, and it all starts tomorrow!
Call me crazy, I don't care,................. I am totally psyched!! =P
Monday, September 03, 2007
Summer's End
Well, this summer had a lot of happenings, and most of them not good. I actually can't believe it's over already, it went by in a flash, but honestly, I'm kind of glad. I feel like I really need to get back to some normalcy (sp), some structure,... some distraction??
To recap...
Scott's mom ended up in the hospital again, ended up there for nearly a month & needed surgery. She was taken off her her chemotherapy, and put on hospice, and other than that, has been left to wonder how much time she has left. Things really looked like she wouldn't make it beyond those first 2-3 weeks home, but once the poisons from the chemo had finally worked their way out of her body, she really perked up & surprised everybody. Now 2 1/2 months later, she's still here and feeling rather well. She can tell the cancer is continuing to close in on her, she tells me it's getting harder to breathe, but she has her color, she doesn't look so thin & frail as she did initially out of the hospital, and she's happy. So, even though we have no idea whether she'll still be here next week or next month,... we're just thankful for the extra time we have. Extra time we were sure we wouldn't have, but do.
The end of June, Scott had an accident and broke his foot/ankle in three places requiring him to have surgery and both pins & a screw put in, plus almost 2 months worth of time at home. He's out of his cast and in a walking cast now,... still has to take things as they come, and is in frequent pain, but he's managing. He had to miss his appt at the sleep lab (orig. sched. for July 2nd) because of the whole bloodclot scare/ER visit mayhem the same night, and wasn't able to get rescheduled until the 27th of THIS month, but they had a cancelation the other night, and called him in for it. It didn't pan out,.. he had the WORST technician, and the equipment apparently stopped working about three hours in,... then for some reason they waited until 4:00 AM to wake him up and tell him so he could go home. Because he went in to fill in the cancelation, he lost his appt. for the 27th now, too, and they are looking at possibly not having another opening until sometime in December. WTH?? Hopefully, he will get in sooner,.. on another cancelation, and he has filed a complaint on the technician to hopefully ensure he won't have him again. It's a long, irritating story so I'm not going to go there.
Let's see, what else? Oh, one of my very dear friends found out she has cancer. She had been trying to get her doctor to listen to her for a year, but was ignored,... turns out she has bone cancer with secondary breast cancer. The cancer has spread all throughout her spine, and even deteriorated one vertebrae to the point that it collapsed, literally breaking her back. Surgery repaired it, and thank goodness it collapsed in on itself from the top, and not the bottom of the vertebrae, or else it would have severed her spinal cord, and paralyzed her. Had she been listened to a year ago, her survival rate would have been 95%, but now is basically zero. All they can do is fight to slow it down, and give her as much time as possible. She's a fighter though, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if she gave us the same kind of display that Scott's mom has, and surpass all their darn statistics!
And as if their family doesn't have enough to swallow, their oldest son (13) fell 20 feet out of a tree last week. He broke both arms and ruptured a disk in his back that required surgery, and has tree rash up & down his body & face. But other than those things, he's going to be alright.
An old friend's dad only has a few more months to live according to the doctor regarding his cancer, and another old friend's mom passed away this summer from cancer.................... I hate how commonplace that word has become.
There have been many highs & lows this summer,.... the highs just simple pleasures like going to the fairs & camping, and the lows, watching too many loved ones go through great strides of pain & anguish....... Wish I could say our summer was better, but you know what? Regardless of all this,.. it really could be so much worse, and so I am thankful for all the little things,.. all the little things, and a few pretty cool miracles, too.
To recap...
Scott's mom ended up in the hospital again, ended up there for nearly a month & needed surgery. She was taken off her her chemotherapy, and put on hospice, and other than that, has been left to wonder how much time she has left. Things really looked like she wouldn't make it beyond those first 2-3 weeks home, but once the poisons from the chemo had finally worked their way out of her body, she really perked up & surprised everybody. Now 2 1/2 months later, she's still here and feeling rather well. She can tell the cancer is continuing to close in on her, she tells me it's getting harder to breathe, but she has her color, she doesn't look so thin & frail as she did initially out of the hospital, and she's happy. So, even though we have no idea whether she'll still be here next week or next month,... we're just thankful for the extra time we have. Extra time we were sure we wouldn't have, but do.
The end of June, Scott had an accident and broke his foot/ankle in three places requiring him to have surgery and both pins & a screw put in, plus almost 2 months worth of time at home. He's out of his cast and in a walking cast now,... still has to take things as they come, and is in frequent pain, but he's managing. He had to miss his appt at the sleep lab (orig. sched. for July 2nd) because of the whole bloodclot scare/ER visit mayhem the same night, and wasn't able to get rescheduled until the 27th of THIS month, but they had a cancelation the other night, and called him in for it. It didn't pan out,.. he had the WORST technician, and the equipment apparently stopped working about three hours in,... then for some reason they waited until 4:00 AM to wake him up and tell him so he could go home. Because he went in to fill in the cancelation, he lost his appt. for the 27th now, too, and they are looking at possibly not having another opening until sometime in December. WTH?? Hopefully, he will get in sooner,.. on another cancelation, and he has filed a complaint on the technician to hopefully ensure he won't have him again. It's a long, irritating story so I'm not going to go there.
Let's see, what else? Oh, one of my very dear friends found out she has cancer. She had been trying to get her doctor to listen to her for a year, but was ignored,... turns out she has bone cancer with secondary breast cancer. The cancer has spread all throughout her spine, and even deteriorated one vertebrae to the point that it collapsed, literally breaking her back. Surgery repaired it, and thank goodness it collapsed in on itself from the top, and not the bottom of the vertebrae, or else it would have severed her spinal cord, and paralyzed her. Had she been listened to a year ago, her survival rate would have been 95%, but now is basically zero. All they can do is fight to slow it down, and give her as much time as possible. She's a fighter though, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if she gave us the same kind of display that Scott's mom has, and surpass all their darn statistics!
And as if their family doesn't have enough to swallow, their oldest son (13) fell 20 feet out of a tree last week. He broke both arms and ruptured a disk in his back that required surgery, and has tree rash up & down his body & face. But other than those things, he's going to be alright.
An old friend's dad only has a few more months to live according to the doctor regarding his cancer, and another old friend's mom passed away this summer from cancer.................... I hate how commonplace that word has become.
There have been many highs & lows this summer,.... the highs just simple pleasures like going to the fairs & camping, and the lows, watching too many loved ones go through great strides of pain & anguish....... Wish I could say our summer was better, but you know what? Regardless of all this,.. it really could be so much worse, and so I am thankful for all the little things,.. all the little things, and a few pretty cool miracles, too.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Just Say 'No'...
I know, it's been awhile since my last posting, but summertime tends to be that way for me. I would imagine I'll be adding entries more frequently now that the summer is coming to a close.
For those wanting to know how Ashley's latest MRI & oncology follow-up went,... Well, it didn't.
First, the secondary machine broke down so appts quickly backed up due to the need to merge them all into the remaining operational equipment. This put us into a 3+ hour delay. Keeping in mind that Ashley was not permitted to eat "just in case" she ended up needing anesthesia.
Ashley was scheduled to have her scan 'awake' this time per her Dr's orders to "give it a try" despite the difficulty even in many adults to remain perfectly still, no, more resembling statue-like structure,.. pure frozen form except for calm breathing, (and for those clostrophobic, lest we not forget the tight quarters within the MRI tunnel itself), and for not less than a minimum of one hour to boot... and this expected of a 7 year-old. Add to the scenario, that the medication given to calm & slightly sedate her to her surroundings had the exact opposite effect on her, and no sooner was she in the tunnel when she practically started break-dancing! Seriously, I don't think that child could have wiggled any more then she did... the words, "hold still" seemed to translate into her sweet little mind as, "heeeeeeey, macarena!!".......... Oh, lordy, it was a total disaster! LOL
I forget the name of the medication, but it made her friggin loopy.... she looked intoxicated. And well, basically she was! This medication is supposed to calm her,.. and in most people, they relax & become drowsy with most even falling alseep, but seriously, my 7 year-old was not only high, but obnoxious, too.
Everyone at OHSU was really great though, and very understanding, and I loved their response which was simply, "Well, now you have proof that a 7 year-old cannot undergo this procedure without anesthesia so next time her Dr suggests giving it a try,.... you can just say 'NO'".
Anyway, long story a little shorter, they were able to retain an anesthesiologist, but by that time it had been nearly 5 hours since our intial required check-in at 9:30 AM which already was way later in the morning than I normally like her to have to go because by then she's already getting hungry,... this is why I schedule them in the 6:00 AM slots, but no such luck this time,.. she had a 10:30 AM scan scheduled this time, and then we ended up 4 hours beyond THAT. This poor child had not eaten since the night before, and it was already after 2:30 PM. I was not going to make her wait any longer. If we had gone ahead and continued to pursue, it would have been another hour and a half to two hours before she'd have been able to eat. Nope,.. I said nah-uh, and decided to reschedule. And, since she didn't have her MRI, there was no point in going to her follow-up at Doernbecher's either so that's being rescheduled, too. I'll keep everybody posted when the time comes. Unfortunately these things can book out a ways so no telling right now when the next open slot will be.
For those wanting to know how Ashley's latest MRI & oncology follow-up went,... Well, it didn't.
First, the secondary machine broke down so appts quickly backed up due to the need to merge them all into the remaining operational equipment. This put us into a 3+ hour delay. Keeping in mind that Ashley was not permitted to eat "just in case" she ended up needing anesthesia.
Ashley was scheduled to have her scan 'awake' this time per her Dr's orders to "give it a try" despite the difficulty even in many adults to remain perfectly still, no, more resembling statue-like structure,.. pure frozen form except for calm breathing, (and for those clostrophobic, lest we not forget the tight quarters within the MRI tunnel itself), and for not less than a minimum of one hour to boot... and this expected of a 7 year-old. Add to the scenario, that the medication given to calm & slightly sedate her to her surroundings had the exact opposite effect on her, and no sooner was she in the tunnel when she practically started break-dancing! Seriously, I don't think that child could have wiggled any more then she did... the words, "hold still" seemed to translate into her sweet little mind as, "heeeeeeey, macarena!!".......... Oh, lordy, it was a total disaster! LOL
I forget the name of the medication, but it made her friggin loopy.... she looked intoxicated. And well, basically she was! This medication is supposed to calm her,.. and in most people, they relax & become drowsy with most even falling alseep, but seriously, my 7 year-old was not only high, but obnoxious, too.
Everyone at OHSU was really great though, and very understanding, and I loved their response which was simply, "Well, now you have proof that a 7 year-old cannot undergo this procedure without anesthesia so next time her Dr suggests giving it a try,.... you can just say 'NO'".
Anyway, long story a little shorter, they were able to retain an anesthesiologist, but by that time it had been nearly 5 hours since our intial required check-in at 9:30 AM which already was way later in the morning than I normally like her to have to go because by then she's already getting hungry,... this is why I schedule them in the 6:00 AM slots, but no such luck this time,.. she had a 10:30 AM scan scheduled this time, and then we ended up 4 hours beyond THAT. This poor child had not eaten since the night before, and it was already after 2:30 PM. I was not going to make her wait any longer. If we had gone ahead and continued to pursue, it would have been another hour and a half to two hours before she'd have been able to eat. Nope,.. I said nah-uh, and decided to reschedule. And, since she didn't have her MRI, there was no point in going to her follow-up at Doernbecher's either so that's being rescheduled, too. I'll keep everybody posted when the time comes. Unfortunately these things can book out a ways so no telling right now when the next open slot will be.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
To All My Crackpot Friends... :)
An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots; each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.
At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. 'I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.'
The old woman smiled, 'Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?'
'That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them.'
'For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.
Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.'
Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.
SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!
~ Author Unknown
One of the pots had a crack in it, while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water.
At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments.
But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. 'I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.'
The old woman smiled, 'Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?'
'That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them.'
'For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table.
Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.'
Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them.
SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!
~ Author Unknown
Red Marbles... Oldie, but goodie
RED MARBLES
I was at the corner grocery store Buying some early potatoes.
I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily apprising a basket of freshly picked green peas. I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes.
Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.
"Hello Barry, how are you today?"
"H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya.
Jus' admirin' them peas. They sure look good."
"They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?"
"Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time."
"Good.
Anything I can help you with?"
"No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas."
"Would you like to take some home?" asked Mr. Miller.
"No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with."
"Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?"
"All I got's my prize marble here."
"Is that right? Let me see it" said Miller.
"Here 'tis. She's a dandy."
"I can see that. Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?" the store owner asked.
"Not zackley but almost."
"Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble". Mr. Miller told the boy.
"Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller."
Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me. With a smile she said, "There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store."
I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado, but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles.
Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died. They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I
agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.
Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an Army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts...all very professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket. Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.
Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about her husband's bartering for marbles.
With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.
"Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about. They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim "traded" them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change
his mind about color or size....they came to pay their debt."
"We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world," she confided, "but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho."
With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.
The Moral: We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.
Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ~
I was at the corner grocery store Buying some early potatoes.
I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily apprising a basket of freshly picked green peas. I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes.
Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.
"Hello Barry, how are you today?"
"H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya.
Jus' admirin' them peas. They sure look good."
"They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?"
"Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time."
"Good.
Anything I can help you with?"
"No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas."
"Would you like to take some home?" asked Mr. Miller.
"No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with."
"Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?"
"All I got's my prize marble here."
"Is that right? Let me see it" said Miller.
"Here 'tis. She's a dandy."
"I can see that. Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?" the store owner asked.
"Not zackley but almost."
"Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble". Mr. Miller told the boy.
"Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller."
Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me. With a smile she said, "There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store."
I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado, but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles.
Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died. They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I
agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.
Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an Army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts...all very professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket. Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.
Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about her husband's bartering for marbles.
With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.
"Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about. They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim "traded" them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change
his mind about color or size....they came to pay their debt."
"We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world," she confided, "but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho."
With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.
The Moral: We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.
Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ~
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