From me: I am asking anyone & everyone out there who is a Believer to add this need to your prayer list. Please be praying that God would fulfill our requests for a great healing to take place. As I said in my response to them, "this is a difficult time of uncertainty, but it is so important to trust in Him.... Keep believing with all your heart that miracles DO happen! I am praying that Robin can be a testiment to that. That her circumstances will be of witness to others that God can do great things."
Below is the notice I recieved from a dear family member regarding this need, and below that, is the email she recieved from her friend.....
From Barb: "I have received an e-mail from a family friend and she is in need of your prayers and thoughts. Robin is the wife of G's previous 1SG in Hawaii. He is also the man that taught G and Zach to scuba dive. Their children and our children were the best of friends, especially Jordan and their son Sean. It was so hard to say goodbye when they left Hawaii or better things. Their daughter, Rachel, is a miracle in herself. She was told she would never walk, never do things normal children do because of cancer that took over her legs and she has since lost the feeling in her legs, but she walks, and runs, and dances like any normal little girl. I learned so much from that family. I learned to keep my mouth shut, to open my mouth, and most of all, to believe! Robin needs prayers right now. Here is the letter I have received."
From Robin: "Hi everyone,
While I am not one to ask for things for myself. Things have happened in the past week that I need prayers for. It started about a month a go. My head and throat started swelling. The doctors thought it was allergy. I thought it was something in the house. The Army Environment Health came out and tested. They found 5 times the level of formaldehyde in the house. They moved us into a new house. The problem was I wasn't getting better. I went to the emergency room. They did several scans and found a 5 cm mass on my chest. It is right in front of the bronchial tumbe and growing into the superior vena cava that is affecting my breathing. They have diagnosed it as lung cancer though it's not in my lung and they also found a spot on my liver that they think could be cancer also. We're not sure of the prognosis because I told them I don't want to know, I will fight for as long as possible. They say it's not connnected to the foramledyde, but an xray 5 months ago showed there was absolutely nothing abnormal. I have already started radiation and am starting to feel better.
All I am asking for is PRAYERS....LOTS of PRAYERS. You can send this to anyone you know, because prayers are what's going to save me.
Also, if anyone has stories of inspiration about cancer survivors or incredible defiance of the odds, please send them to me, I need them a lot.
Anyone who knows me though, knows I will not go down without a fight.
Thanks
Robin"
From me again: I would also like to share another part of my response to both Barbara and Robin because I think that it is important for us all to be reminded of these things. I know that it helps me a great deal to search through my Bible and be reminded of these things.
"There is an excerpt in my study Bible that I thought might be a good notation here, and then after I have a verse I want to remind you [& Robin] of because it is such a powerful one. I'll post it at the end.
The excerpt reads this: 'We can never know how God will answer the prayers of his people. We only know that he tells us to pray about anything and everything. We may feel powerless in ourselves, but when we lift our prayers to God, when we "pray through" our difficulties, the door is opened for God to step in and do the miraculous.'
That is SO very true! Find strength in your faith, and comfort in His Word. And yes, pray, pray, PRAY with your whole heart,.... He is listening! He is with you, and He will not leave you. Whatever the outcome, He will carry you through this......... Never stop believing.
"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity." ~ Jeremiah 29:11-14"
Please join us in lifting up Robin, her family & all those close to her, in prayer.
Thanks & Love, Tahnee
Friday, December 28, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Snow from Heaven
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU!!!
I hope it was wonderful for all of you!! We had a very nice Christmas,... we did things differently this year, and it turned out really well. This was our first Christmas without Scott's mom though, and with having her passed on only 3 weeks ago (tomorrow), it felt a little empty. I have to tell you about this though,.....
Only shortly before she died, the girls had asked Grandma if when she got to Heaven would she please send them some snow on Christmas Day. She said she would try..... I was quietly concerned about their disappointment should Christmas come without any snowfall, as we rarely get snow here, let alone on Christmas Day.
Well since then, we've only had either freezing & completely dry days or wet days that were just warm enough to keep it completely rainy,.. no snow of any sort here (although some in surrounding areas) until yesterday,...... mid Christmas morning.
As I was preparing breakfast, one of the girls looked out of the window and then shrieked that it was SNOWING...........
Yes,... SNOW FROM HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!!
I can't think of a more amazing gift we could have recieved this year. And if that didn't bring a tear to your eye or tug on your heartstrings enough,... as we stood there holding one another watching as the snow fell from the sky, Brittney looked up at me and asked, "Do you really think the snow is from Grandma, Mommy?" and I said, "Yes, Baby, I really do." .......and only a moment later,.. the song, "I'll Be Home for Christmas" began to play.
Our own Christmas Miracle,....
~Believe in Miracles~ They DO happen!!!
I hope it was wonderful for all of you!! We had a very nice Christmas,... we did things differently this year, and it turned out really well. This was our first Christmas without Scott's mom though, and with having her passed on only 3 weeks ago (tomorrow), it felt a little empty. I have to tell you about this though,.....
Only shortly before she died, the girls had asked Grandma if when she got to Heaven would she please send them some snow on Christmas Day. She said she would try..... I was quietly concerned about their disappointment should Christmas come without any snowfall, as we rarely get snow here, let alone on Christmas Day.
Well since then, we've only had either freezing & completely dry days or wet days that were just warm enough to keep it completely rainy,.. no snow of any sort here (although some in surrounding areas) until yesterday,...... mid Christmas morning.
As I was preparing breakfast, one of the girls looked out of the window and then shrieked that it was SNOWING...........
Yes,... SNOW FROM HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!!
I can't think of a more amazing gift we could have recieved this year. And if that didn't bring a tear to your eye or tug on your heartstrings enough,... as we stood there holding one another watching as the snow fell from the sky, Brittney looked up at me and asked, "Do you really think the snow is from Grandma, Mommy?" and I said, "Yes, Baby, I really do." .......and only a moment later,.. the song, "I'll Be Home for Christmas" began to play.
Our own Christmas Miracle,....
~Believe in Miracles~ They DO happen!!!
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
December Goes Out With a Bang??
Well, with a mixture of both good & bad, the year seems to be closing off with more activity than I care to endure.
Not to say that I'm not accustomed to life knocking the wind out of me repeatedly, that's for certain, but every once in awhile I can't help but stop and wonder when is enough,.. well, enough?? I just do my best to keep plugging along, and while I do, I engage in a vast amount of prayer, and a near-non-stop search to find any silver lining possible, LOL... but now and again I stumble, I get lost in it all, and feel like I can no longer hold my head above the thrashing sea that is my life. That's when I feel even more thankful for my family & friends... especially for those who reach out without pause, without a second thought, and throw me a life preserver. You remind me of my strengths, and my purpose, and I thank you so much for that.
Most of you already know that my mother-in-law passed away a couple of weeks ago. What most of you don't know is that day was also the day my sister got re-married. That day had also been our grandmother's birthday so the day was special in many ways, along with heartache. I just wanted to share that because those things are very important to me, too, but with the grief we were experiencing (and still are), I just didn't have it in me to post on them. So, a BIG CONGRATULATIONS to my sister and new brother-in-law, Karissa & Matthew!!
Now, back to more not-so-great stuff,.... let's see, ah yes, well,.. I broke my toe a week ago, and then three nights ago managed to stab my finger with a screwdriver.......... don't ask, LOL,.......... but such is my luck. *rolls eyes*
Then, the night before last, Bailey (my 8 1/2 month old pup), got snagged in the face by the cat. We didn't realize she had an injury until late yesterday afternoon, but turns out she got nailed right in her left eye. The wound is a really bad one, it's deep. It plunged clear through her cornea, and pierced through her lens. I took her to the vet right away, and it only took him moments to conclude that the injury is over his head. So, he referred me to a specialist in NW Portland, an ophthalmologist, which we saw today.
Thankfully, the injury was a clean puncture, although unusually deep, it did not tear when the claw was retracted. Had it done so, she would have needed stitches... in her eye. Her peripheral vision is gone, whether permanent or temporary we do not know yet. For now, we are treating aggressively with medication, and taking a wait & watch approach rather than jumping right into surgery. The Dr thinks this is her best shot right now at retaining some vision in that eye............. if she ends up needing surgery, it will be either to remove the lens, or the entire orb (eyeball). Hopefully, it won't come to that. Currently, she has bruising on the left side of the cornea at the site of the wounds birth,.. it appears as blue & cloudy as you can see in the photos. There is also a small cateract that has already developed over the lens (it appears cloudy & white). There's no telling right now whether the cateract is permanent. It could heal between the body's natural defense & healing process and the line-up of medications she has to take. The alternative is that it could remain the same, leaving permanent vision impairment, or worse, it could continue to grow which would indicate a bacterial infection within the lens itself,... in which case they may have to take the eye. The lens is also leaking lens protein into the anterior chamber which is causing severe inflammation which could lead to Glaucoma. So, we have a number of things to be watching over the next several days, weeks, and months. This is going to be a long recovery process. Her medications include, two topicals in the form of drops, Tobramycin (which is an antibiotic) and Atropin (which is a steroid that dilates her pupil and helps reduce her pain level) and four oral, Cephalexin (another antibiotic), Rimadyl (an anti-inflammatory), Tramadol (also for pain), and Acepromazine (which is a tranquilizer to help keep her calm and avoid further injury while she tries to heal). She also has to wear an Elizabethan Collar, aka: "The Cone", to help protect her eye from further damage as a result of bumping into things since her vision is impaired.
(You can click on any picture to view it larger, then just hit your 'back' button to return here)
My poor baby.....................
We go back in three days on Saturday morning for a recheck examination, and then probably again next Wednesday, the day after Christmas. If everything goes well, she'll then start going in weekly for 3-4 weeks, then monthly for 6 months to a year. Her medications will change and taper off over time, but they say they've been seeing good results with this method of treatment. At any rate, she's got a 50-50% chance of saving at least part of her vision in that eye,... a 70-30% right now that she'll need the eye removed altogether,.... the 70 percent being in our favor of keeping the eye.
Anyhoo,..... you'll never catch me saying my life is boring!!
To end on a brighter note,... I got all my Christmas cards out in the mail today,... finally! Had them ready to go 2 weeks ago, but then life tripped me up again. Oh well, I guess,... for most, you should have them before Christmas, and for the ones who don't get them in time,.... better late than not at all, right?? LOL
I love you all. xoxoxo
Not to say that I'm not accustomed to life knocking the wind out of me repeatedly, that's for certain, but every once in awhile I can't help but stop and wonder when is enough,.. well, enough?? I just do my best to keep plugging along, and while I do, I engage in a vast amount of prayer, and a near-non-stop search to find any silver lining possible, LOL... but now and again I stumble, I get lost in it all, and feel like I can no longer hold my head above the thrashing sea that is my life. That's when I feel even more thankful for my family & friends... especially for those who reach out without pause, without a second thought, and throw me a life preserver. You remind me of my strengths, and my purpose, and I thank you so much for that.
Most of you already know that my mother-in-law passed away a couple of weeks ago. What most of you don't know is that day was also the day my sister got re-married. That day had also been our grandmother's birthday so the day was special in many ways, along with heartache. I just wanted to share that because those things are very important to me, too, but with the grief we were experiencing (and still are), I just didn't have it in me to post on them. So, a BIG CONGRATULATIONS to my sister and new brother-in-law, Karissa & Matthew!!
Now, back to more not-so-great stuff,.... let's see, ah yes, well,.. I broke my toe a week ago, and then three nights ago managed to stab my finger with a screwdriver.......... don't ask, LOL,.......... but such is my luck. *rolls eyes*
Then, the night before last, Bailey (my 8 1/2 month old pup), got snagged in the face by the cat. We didn't realize she had an injury until late yesterday afternoon, but turns out she got nailed right in her left eye. The wound is a really bad one, it's deep. It plunged clear through her cornea, and pierced through her lens. I took her to the vet right away, and it only took him moments to conclude that the injury is over his head. So, he referred me to a specialist in NW Portland, an ophthalmologist, which we saw today.
Thankfully, the injury was a clean puncture, although unusually deep, it did not tear when the claw was retracted. Had it done so, she would have needed stitches... in her eye. Her peripheral vision is gone, whether permanent or temporary we do not know yet. For now, we are treating aggressively with medication, and taking a wait & watch approach rather than jumping right into surgery. The Dr thinks this is her best shot right now at retaining some vision in that eye............. if she ends up needing surgery, it will be either to remove the lens, or the entire orb (eyeball). Hopefully, it won't come to that. Currently, she has bruising on the left side of the cornea at the site of the wounds birth,.. it appears as blue & cloudy as you can see in the photos. There is also a small cateract that has already developed over the lens (it appears cloudy & white). There's no telling right now whether the cateract is permanent. It could heal between the body's natural defense & healing process and the line-up of medications she has to take. The alternative is that it could remain the same, leaving permanent vision impairment, or worse, it could continue to grow which would indicate a bacterial infection within the lens itself,... in which case they may have to take the eye. The lens is also leaking lens protein into the anterior chamber which is causing severe inflammation which could lead to Glaucoma. So, we have a number of things to be watching over the next several days, weeks, and months. This is going to be a long recovery process. Her medications include, two topicals in the form of drops, Tobramycin (which is an antibiotic) and Atropin (which is a steroid that dilates her pupil and helps reduce her pain level) and four oral, Cephalexin (another antibiotic), Rimadyl (an anti-inflammatory), Tramadol (also for pain), and Acepromazine (which is a tranquilizer to help keep her calm and avoid further injury while she tries to heal). She also has to wear an Elizabethan Collar, aka: "The Cone", to help protect her eye from further damage as a result of bumping into things since her vision is impaired.
(You can click on any picture to view it larger, then just hit your 'back' button to return here)
My poor baby.....................
We go back in three days on Saturday morning for a recheck examination, and then probably again next Wednesday, the day after Christmas. If everything goes well, she'll then start going in weekly for 3-4 weeks, then monthly for 6 months to a year. Her medications will change and taper off over time, but they say they've been seeing good results with this method of treatment. At any rate, she's got a 50-50% chance of saving at least part of her vision in that eye,... a 70-30% right now that she'll need the eye removed altogether,.... the 70 percent being in our favor of keeping the eye.
Anyhoo,..... you'll never catch me saying my life is boring!!
To end on a brighter note,... I got all my Christmas cards out in the mail today,... finally! Had them ready to go 2 weeks ago, but then life tripped me up again. Oh well, I guess,... for most, you should have them before Christmas, and for the ones who don't get them in time,.... better late than not at all, right?? LOL
I love you all. xoxoxo
Friday, December 07, 2007
Moment of Silence Scheduled
Thank you to everyone for all of your support & prayers. It truly means the world to me,... to us.
I would just like to let you all know,.. for those who wish to participate, we have scheduled a nationwide "Moment of Silence" for tomorrow morning at 9:00 A.M., Pacific Standard Time. Carol did not want a funeral,.. we will have a private family memorial at the time that we spread her ashes, but we thought that this would be a way for all of us to come together to share in this moment at the same time, wherever we are across the country since so many of us cannot physically be together right now. So, if you would like to participate, then tomorrow at 9:00 AM, PST, wherever you are, whatever you're doing,... just stop and take a moment of silence, pray, or however you choose to honor her, and know that at the same moment the rest of us will be, too.
Thank you & God bless you all. I am so very grateful for your support. I love you all very much.
I would just like to let you all know,.. for those who wish to participate, we have scheduled a nationwide "Moment of Silence" for tomorrow morning at 9:00 A.M., Pacific Standard Time. Carol did not want a funeral,.. we will have a private family memorial at the time that we spread her ashes, but we thought that this would be a way for all of us to come together to share in this moment at the same time, wherever we are across the country since so many of us cannot physically be together right now. So, if you would like to participate, then tomorrow at 9:00 AM, PST, wherever you are, whatever you're doing,... just stop and take a moment of silence, pray, or however you choose to honor her, and know that at the same moment the rest of us will be, too.
Thank you & God bless you all. I am so very grateful for your support. I love you all very much.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Gone From My Sight
Today we mourn the loss of our beloved mother, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, grandmother and friend, Caroline Ann Holloway, who went home to be with Jesus this afternoon at 1:08 PM. We also rejoice knowing that on this day there was a great celebration in welcoming her into the arms of Heaven, and that she suffers no more. She is whole. She is new again.
We sat up with her throughout most of the night, only taking moments to nap, and then encircled her throughout this day until the time came for her to leave us.
For myself, I can say that while this is a sad day because we will miss her so greatly,... her passing was also of great relief. Knowing she is no longer in pain.
I want to keep this short, as this day has been a great load to bare, and we are needing to spend some quiet time together before we adjourn for the night, but I would like to share her final moments with you because they were so beautiful,.. so difficult, yet so pristene... She was at peace, she was comfortable, and she was not in any pain. When the time came that we knew the end had come, we all circled closely together, told her we loved her once more,... then I said, "Thank you, Jesus, for blessing our lives with her,... we're ready to give her back to you now,...." then, as I continued to hold her hand in mine, I raised my other up to Him and said, "We lift her up to you",... and then she took her last breath.
No way to know it would end that way,... I was simply crying out to Him in prayer....... But it couldn't have been more perfect, and I am so very thankful for that memory of her crossing.
And in the words of the poem I shared with you the other night,.... She is not gone,... She's just gone from our sight. God bless!!!!
We sat up with her throughout most of the night, only taking moments to nap, and then encircled her throughout this day until the time came for her to leave us.
For myself, I can say that while this is a sad day because we will miss her so greatly,... her passing was also of great relief. Knowing she is no longer in pain.
I want to keep this short, as this day has been a great load to bare, and we are needing to spend some quiet time together before we adjourn for the night, but I would like to share her final moments with you because they were so beautiful,.. so difficult, yet so pristene... She was at peace, she was comfortable, and she was not in any pain. When the time came that we knew the end had come, we all circled closely together, told her we loved her once more,... then I said, "Thank you, Jesus, for blessing our lives with her,... we're ready to give her back to you now,...." then, as I continued to hold her hand in mine, I raised my other up to Him and said, "We lift her up to you",... and then she took her last breath.
No way to know it would end that way,... I was simply crying out to Him in prayer....... But it couldn't have been more perfect, and I am so very thankful for that memory of her crossing.
And in the words of the poem I shared with you the other night,.... She is not gone,... She's just gone from our sight. God bless!!!!
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
The Final Hours
Just wanted all to know,.. the nurse was over again a couple of hours ago, and said that things are progressing much more quickly..... we could see that last night, too. She said mom only has up to 24-48 hours left. She is now in the hospital bed in the family room at her home, and the oxygen is helping sustain what breath she has left. It sounds like it will probably be sometime either tonight or tomorrow, but could be Friday.......... Prayers are appreciated now more than ever.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
"There she comes"
We spent several hours sitting with mom this evening. I spent most of it holding her hand..... She's very weak, and is slimming down again. She's barely eating anything. Another thing common near the end.
She is in and out a lot... she's not completely incoherent yet, but close. She falls alseep in the middle of sentences, and forgets things almost as quickly as they occur, but recalls other things. She couldn't remember Ashley's name. At one point she stumbled over trying to recall Scott's name, too. not that she doesn't know who we are, she does. It was distressing to her though that she could not remember their names. She knew Scott's started with an S, but couldn't quite say it. It was like one of those moments where you know you know it, and it's on the tip of your tongue, but you just can't quite get it out. Her breathing is very coarse and loud. It sounds rough, and almost like a bunch of bubbles popping. I guess this is very common in people who are within a week of going... According to the literature and the nurses, the stage that mom is in right now is like having 'one foot here and one foot there'.
It was a difficult evening... seeing her that way. The things we all talked about. The long silences of no one knowing what to say, but all of us just wanting to cling together in the same room,... just to be near her. Dad & I did the most crying... Just about any time that we looked across the room at eachother, and then before leaving tonight, we hugged and both started sobbing so much so that neither of us could let go of eachother for several minutes. It's really starting to hit Scott more now, too... I think with things finally narrowing down to the wire, it's becoming more real than ever,.. and time to face the heart-wrenching reality that she will be leaving soon.
The girls are going through their own grieving,... for Courtney, I think she just feels numb. She asked me why she hasn't been crying. I just explained to her how everyone grieves in their own way. Some people cry a lot, some people get real quiet, some go numb for awhile, some get angry... and that her lack of tears right now does not mean she loves Grandma any less than the rest of us. She's going through her own process. Ashley is kind of in the same boat as Courtney right now, but Brittney,... well, she cried & cried for about half the drive home before she finally fell asleep in the car. That was hard.
Before I close, I wanted to leave you with this poem that dad shared with me this evening from a pamphlet he was given by the hospice nurse. It's absolutely perfect.....
'I am standing on the sea shore,
A ship sails in the morning breeze and starts for the ocean.
She is an object of beauty and I stand watching her
Till at last she fades on the horizon and someone at my side says:
"She is gone."
Gone! Where?
Gone from my sight - that is all.
She is just as large in the masts, hull and spars as she was when I saw her
And just as able to bear her load of living freight to its destination.
The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me,
not in her.
And just at the moment when someone at my side says,
"She is gone",
There are others who are watching her coming, and other voices take up a glad shout:
"There she comes"
- and that is dying.'
She is in and out a lot... she's not completely incoherent yet, but close. She falls alseep in the middle of sentences, and forgets things almost as quickly as they occur, but recalls other things. She couldn't remember Ashley's name. At one point she stumbled over trying to recall Scott's name, too. not that she doesn't know who we are, she does. It was distressing to her though that she could not remember their names. She knew Scott's started with an S, but couldn't quite say it. It was like one of those moments where you know you know it, and it's on the tip of your tongue, but you just can't quite get it out. Her breathing is very coarse and loud. It sounds rough, and almost like a bunch of bubbles popping. I guess this is very common in people who are within a week of going... According to the literature and the nurses, the stage that mom is in right now is like having 'one foot here and one foot there'.
It was a difficult evening... seeing her that way. The things we all talked about. The long silences of no one knowing what to say, but all of us just wanting to cling together in the same room,... just to be near her. Dad & I did the most crying... Just about any time that we looked across the room at eachother, and then before leaving tonight, we hugged and both started sobbing so much so that neither of us could let go of eachother for several minutes. It's really starting to hit Scott more now, too... I think with things finally narrowing down to the wire, it's becoming more real than ever,.. and time to face the heart-wrenching reality that she will be leaving soon.
The girls are going through their own grieving,... for Courtney, I think she just feels numb. She asked me why she hasn't been crying. I just explained to her how everyone grieves in their own way. Some people cry a lot, some people get real quiet, some go numb for awhile, some get angry... and that her lack of tears right now does not mean she loves Grandma any less than the rest of us. She's going through her own process. Ashley is kind of in the same boat as Courtney right now, but Brittney,... well, she cried & cried for about half the drive home before she finally fell asleep in the car. That was hard.
Before I close, I wanted to leave you with this poem that dad shared with me this evening from a pamphlet he was given by the hospice nurse. It's absolutely perfect.....
'I am standing on the sea shore,
A ship sails in the morning breeze and starts for the ocean.
She is an object of beauty and I stand watching her
Till at last she fades on the horizon and someone at my side says:
"She is gone."
Gone! Where?
Gone from my sight - that is all.
She is just as large in the masts, hull and spars as she was when I saw her
And just as able to bear her load of living freight to its destination.
The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me,
not in her.
And just at the moment when someone at my side says,
"She is gone",
There are others who are watching her coming, and other voices take up a glad shout:
"There she comes"
- and that is dying.'
Sorrow of Letting Go
I'm just 'talking out loud' here, in a manner of speaking... it's a rough day, and I need to unload a little so if anyone is reading this, please bare with me. Last night was rough, we're all exhausted from being overcome with emotion, and then not sleeping well, and the wonder of whether today will be the last time we see Mom/Grandma alive or not..... We're going to head up in a couple of hours. Right now, my vision is still too blurry, and I feel like I was hit by a truck so I'm just sort of.... sitting.
The girls have made 'closure cards', I call them anyway,... they made these cards to give to Grandma today. To tell her again how much they love her, and remind her that she will finally be all better in Heaven......... they mentioned about working on something for her yesterday, and then showed the finished products this morning. Needless to say, tears were shed,.... again. This is just SO hard,.. never gets any easier. I almost feel like it gets harder the more people you have to say goodbye to... even if it's not a permanent goodbye.
I know she will be in a better place,... afterall, there is no better place than with Jesus! And because of that, she is so lucky, and I REJOICE in it for her, and I am happy & excited for her and I celebrate it knowing she will be whole with Him,...... and she will never be in any pain again........ but I am also so very, very, VERY sad, and I feel so selfish because I do not want to let her go. I know God understands,.. He created us afterall, but I still feel guilty.
I know He needs her more than I do now, and I know she will continue to watch over me with Him, as so many others have been, too,... and we will see them all again one day. But my heart aches............ I feel like all the people who have had the biggest impact on my life, in the most positive ways, who have played the biggest parts in molding me into who I am today, whom I could always turn to for comfort & support,........ are all gone, except for my real mother, and my sister, Karissa. So I'm sad. But I want this peace for her sooooooooooooo bad at the same time!!!
I know the Lord will carry us through this. He will lift us up, and carry us through when the burden of our sorrow is too heavy for us to bare.......... and I know we are much stronger than we often think we are. And we are,... BECAUSE of Him.
Guess that's enough..... I'm just sort of wandering right now, and trying not to fall down. My head's on tight,.. it's my heart that keeps tripping me.
The girls have made 'closure cards', I call them anyway,... they made these cards to give to Grandma today. To tell her again how much they love her, and remind her that she will finally be all better in Heaven......... they mentioned about working on something for her yesterday, and then showed the finished products this morning. Needless to say, tears were shed,.... again. This is just SO hard,.. never gets any easier. I almost feel like it gets harder the more people you have to say goodbye to... even if it's not a permanent goodbye.
I know she will be in a better place,... afterall, there is no better place than with Jesus! And because of that, she is so lucky, and I REJOICE in it for her, and I am happy & excited for her and I celebrate it knowing she will be whole with Him,...... and she will never be in any pain again........ but I am also so very, very, VERY sad, and I feel so selfish because I do not want to let her go. I know God understands,.. He created us afterall, but I still feel guilty.
I know He needs her more than I do now, and I know she will continue to watch over me with Him, as so many others have been, too,... and we will see them all again one day. But my heart aches............ I feel like all the people who have had the biggest impact on my life, in the most positive ways, who have played the biggest parts in molding me into who I am today, whom I could always turn to for comfort & support,........ are all gone, except for my real mother, and my sister, Karissa. So I'm sad. But I want this peace for her sooooooooooooo bad at the same time!!!
I know the Lord will carry us through this. He will lift us up, and carry us through when the burden of our sorrow is too heavy for us to bare.......... and I know we are much stronger than we often think we are. And we are,... BECAUSE of Him.
Guess that's enough..... I'm just sort of wandering right now, and trying not to fall down. My head's on tight,.. it's my heart that keeps tripping me.
Monday, December 03, 2007
Timeline...
Just a quick update to let everyone know... the nurse has confirmed that things are going quickly now. Her guess on how much time is left,.. maybe a week. Could be a few days beyond, or could be less. Basically,.. any time now.
Please keep those prayers coming.
Please keep those prayers coming.
Fast Forward
It always amazes me how fast time seems to fly by. Year after year, it just seems to pick up pace and in what seems a blink of an eye, another year is gone. Children grow faster & faster,.. How I wish it would just slow down,.. even a little!
It seems like the more this world progresses in technology, the faster time escapes us. Everything is designed to be faster. I don't recall the days slipping away when I was a child, as they do in the here & now. We didn't have all the gadgets we have today,.. life didn't operate on hyperspeed. Seems to me that the better the world's 'technology' gets the more it takes away from what life really should be.
I'm tired of living life on fast forward..... of grasping at little moments, trying desperately to hold on and enjoy them before they're completely gone. Life is so precious, our time here is immeasureable in value, yet it slips so easily from our hands. We take it for granted that there will always be 'tomorrow'.
We have been fortunate to have been blessed with an extra 6 years with Mom, but her tomorrows are coming to an end. She's gotten worse over the weekend, and so much so that she can no longer leave the house. I talked to Dad (Albert) this morning, and things do not look good. he said she's in so much pain, and all she can do is sleep.
It's difficult to breathe even with the oxygen. I could see that when I was there Thursday evening, but otherwise she was still holding her own. Not the case now...
Dad said one of the hospice nurses are coming over to see her today. She'll see what she can do to help the pain, but mom has already been taking mega doses of morphine, and it's not helping. Her body has adjusted, and needs more, but whether or not it's safe to increase it any further is the big question. She'll also try to give us an estimated time-frame on how long she thinks Mom may have. Dad will keep us posted, and will call if we need to rush up there. For now, they want us to sit tight.
He said that she's ready to go, and that last night she was even apologizing to him for "taking so long"............ then he started to cry, but managed to quickly collect himself.
So, in your prayers, if you are not already,.. please make sure to include him. They have been together almost their entire lives... since they were children in school.
Celebrate life, stop and breathe it in, and find a way to slow yourselves down enough to capture what time you can... Hit the emergency stop button,... before it's gone.
It seems like the more this world progresses in technology, the faster time escapes us. Everything is designed to be faster. I don't recall the days slipping away when I was a child, as they do in the here & now. We didn't have all the gadgets we have today,.. life didn't operate on hyperspeed. Seems to me that the better the world's 'technology' gets the more it takes away from what life really should be.
I'm tired of living life on fast forward..... of grasping at little moments, trying desperately to hold on and enjoy them before they're completely gone. Life is so precious, our time here is immeasureable in value, yet it slips so easily from our hands. We take it for granted that there will always be 'tomorrow'.
We have been fortunate to have been blessed with an extra 6 years with Mom, but her tomorrows are coming to an end. She's gotten worse over the weekend, and so much so that she can no longer leave the house. I talked to Dad (Albert) this morning, and things do not look good. he said she's in so much pain, and all she can do is sleep.
It's difficult to breathe even with the oxygen. I could see that when I was there Thursday evening, but otherwise she was still holding her own. Not the case now...
Dad said one of the hospice nurses are coming over to see her today. She'll see what she can do to help the pain, but mom has already been taking mega doses of morphine, and it's not helping. Her body has adjusted, and needs more, but whether or not it's safe to increase it any further is the big question. She'll also try to give us an estimated time-frame on how long she thinks Mom may have. Dad will keep us posted, and will call if we need to rush up there. For now, they want us to sit tight.
He said that she's ready to go, and that last night she was even apologizing to him for "taking so long"............ then he started to cry, but managed to quickly collect himself.
So, in your prayers, if you are not already,.. please make sure to include him. They have been together almost their entire lives... since they were children in school.
Celebrate life, stop and breathe it in, and find a way to slow yourselves down enough to capture what time you can... Hit the emergency stop button,... before it's gone.
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Countdown to Christmas
Well, it's official,.. we're counting down to Christmas! I still cannot believe it's this time of year again already! We started decorating over the weekend, and will continue throughout this week, but I thought I'd share a picture of the tree. The girls decorated it themselves..... Happy Holidays, everybody!
Saturday, December 01, 2007
World AIDS Day
Today is World AIDS Day... One way you can help is to go to worldvision.org, and make a donation, or even better yet,... sponsor a HopeChild, like Robinah.
Robinah is my HopeChild, and lives in a village in Uganda. Uganda is a country in Africa that is heavily inflicted with HIV/AIDS, and there is little available healthcare, except that which comes from people like you & I who make the important decision to sponsor. Sponsoring also enables education for the children,.. many cannot afford to go to school. Sponsoring also can provide clean water & healthy, nutritious food for children & their families. Clean water is scarce in most of these villages. And this is not limited to Uganda,... there are many other countries in despair like Kenya, Rwanda, Malawi, Zambia, and many, many others.
I began sponsoring her about a month ago, and I already feel so blessed to have her in my life. Robinah is almost 7 years old, and is fortunate to still have both of her parents and siblings, although they are very poor and struggle to survive. Many children are not as fortunate as Robinah in having their parents still with them... Most children have lost at least one parent to HIV/AIDS, some have lost both, and others are completely orphaned.
Please consider sponsoring a child today,... for a small monthly cost of $35 you can do a world of good. And many of us spend more than that a month just at Starbucks alone........... So, lattes? Or, contributing towards healthcare, textbooks, food & clean water. Lattes? Or,..... LIFE.
Think about it.
Thanks for your time guys! God bless!
Robinah is my HopeChild, and lives in a village in Uganda. Uganda is a country in Africa that is heavily inflicted with HIV/AIDS, and there is little available healthcare, except that which comes from people like you & I who make the important decision to sponsor. Sponsoring also enables education for the children,.. many cannot afford to go to school. Sponsoring also can provide clean water & healthy, nutritious food for children & their families. Clean water is scarce in most of these villages. And this is not limited to Uganda,... there are many other countries in despair like Kenya, Rwanda, Malawi, Zambia, and many, many others.
I began sponsoring her about a month ago, and I already feel so blessed to have her in my life. Robinah is almost 7 years old, and is fortunate to still have both of her parents and siblings, although they are very poor and struggle to survive. Many children are not as fortunate as Robinah in having their parents still with them... Most children have lost at least one parent to HIV/AIDS, some have lost both, and others are completely orphaned.
Please consider sponsoring a child today,... for a small monthly cost of $35 you can do a world of good. And many of us spend more than that a month just at Starbucks alone........... So, lattes? Or, contributing towards healthcare, textbooks, food & clean water. Lattes? Or,..... LIFE.
Think about it.
Thanks for your time guys! God bless!
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