It's surreal...

Yes, it's like a dream,.. It's evening now, and as the day draws to a close, I can hardly believe that only just this morning Scott & I had to sit down with our children and break the news...

It was difficult, but we all made it through,... nothing too graphic, but they know that daddy's heart isn't working like it's supposed to, that it has a disease, and that he needs an operation... and soon. They know that it's a big deal, and what could happen if he doesn't have it. They had questions, and we answered them as best as we could,.. my biggest thing is honesty here. I have no plans of going into any gory details with them, but I also refuse to lie.

At one point I was asked, "Could daddy die?",... Well, after swallowing the lump that immediately accumulated in my throat, and fighting back the tears as my eyes began to sting,... I tackled the question with the best answer I could muster by acknowledging the fear and the possibility followed by strong enthusiasm and encouragement.

We had a lot of hugs today,............... all in all, we're okay.

Victory!

We won our first soccer game of the season today!!!! It was awesome, and I'm surprised I didn't lose my voice from screaming, LOL,.. J/K. Anyway, it's Brittney's first time ever playing, and on a team that is ninety percent new as well, and so they've really come together pretty quickly. Not only did they score for the first time today, but they WON,... 4-3. It was a tight game, but it was sooooo awesome. Both teams really did great. I'm still beaming!! And boy, did we need a good cheer-up today after yesterday went down the toilet,....

Yesterday was a very difficult day, but bad news always hits me the hardest the first day,.. I get a good cry in (aka 'go off the deep end'), and then usually by the next day I'm ready to face things head on,... for the most part, at least until they hit me with something else. Anyway,... I've been educating myself better on what all is going to be involved, clarifying information, and have gotten a pretty good handle on things. Still,... it sucks, and I will literally be having an out of body experience the entire time Scott is under the knife. He has multiple appts between now and the surgery date,.. and surgery is going to be in about 3 weeks.

Can we say S-T-R-E-S-S??

'Stress is waking up screaming and realizing you haven't fallen asleep yet.'

So,.. We got the results back from Scott's cardiologist, and it's not good. Things have gone from bad to worse, and they want to do open-heart surgery ASAP. Yes, crack him open, spread his ribcage, put him on the heart/lung machine,.. the whole nine yards. The Dr said he doesn't know how he's made it this long, and if he doesn't have the surgery done soon, he might not be here in 6 months. Now tell me how the hell you're supposed to swallow that??!!!! I've been a freaking wreck bawling my eyes out,... my face is puffy, my eyes are swollen, and I feel like I'm gonna puke.......

Just Breathe...

Scott's procedure went well, he's out of recovery, ready to go home,... should know the results by next week, and how soon he may be looking at surgery, but they've indicated a simple procedure through a small incision. So, for me yet again it's,..... breath.. sigh,.., now quick!.. hold your breath all over again!!