I want OFF this ride!

Oh, wow, WHERE do I even start??

Well, okay, so all these prescription meds I'm on are helping, but I am sooooooo darn sleepy all the time! I felt like crap over the weekend, and then that just added to things,.......... I pretty much slept for four & a half days.

Monday, Carol finally got to go home from the hospital. She's not feeling 'great', but she's doing much better than she was.

Tuesday (yesterday),.... *sigh*,...... Men! Well, Scott had an accident. I got him a CR500 dirtbike for Father's Day. He sold his about 8 years ago, and has regretted it ever since, although he LOVES quad riding, he still misses the other, too. K, so he decided he was going to take it up camping with us to break it in a little, although up there it's really geared towards quads. Anyway, he had the bike at the shop, and was taking it around from one side to the other,.. just as he was going through the east gate, one of our employees came out the side door, and scared the snot out of him. Well, he's been so used to a thumb throttle on the quads all these years now, that without thinking he pulled back on the throttle (it's in the handlebar grip), and ended up not only poppin' one heck of a wheelie, but launched himself across the parking lot. Long story short,... his right side from his shoulder all down his arm, hip, knee, plus a few other spots, are hash. He's got a serious case of road rash, let me tell you, AND he broke his right ankle. He's going to be fine, but WHAT A SCARE. He was taken by ambulance to St V's. His wounds are so nasty and so many of the laserations are deep, not enough to need any stictches, but they had to almost fully sedate him in order to scrub them out. He's got a chunk a little smaller than a penny out of his right knee, and his ribs are pretty bruised.

Courtney is squeemish, and the last time we went back to see him, it was a little too warm, the room smelled of antiseptic, and she made the mistake of looking over as one of the RNs took out his IV,.......... she thought she was going to throw up,.. another RN helped me try to walk her out of the room and see if that helped, but we barely got 2 steps out the door, and she wilted. He scooped her up just as her eyes rolled back in her head, and she fainted. Luckily, there was an empty gurney right outside of Scott's room so he was able to lay her down there, and quickly pull her legs up, and she woke up right away. She was pretty embarrassed, but other than a bruised ego, she was fine. :)

I'm not even going to bother going into all of the other stuff that went wrong yesterday, but it was one heck of a day, let me tell you. Plus, my DSL box quit working Monday evening so I was without internet access until tonight when we finally got the problem straightened out.

Saw my doctor again today for a follow-up, and I'm doing well pain-wise,... the only thing that stinks is being so exhausted all the time. I'm up to 8 prescriptive medications now, and 2 OTCs,.... 7 are daily, and the other 3 are as needed. I HATE PILLS, but here I am, practically a freaking pharmacy all by myself. At least half of them have common side effets of causing drowsiness and dizziness. Most of those I try to take at night, but the side effects seem to hit me round the clock. So, although I'm not in the kind of pain I was in before,.. every day is still a struggle...... to stay awake! =P

On the bright side,.... I have my new pup to snuggle with, and right now she still sleeps about as much as I have been, LOL. I'll try to post pics soon,.... she's absolutely adorable. She's 8 weeks, a purebred Boxer, female fawn, and her name is Bailey Rayne. Although she's about as much work as a human baby,.... I'm loving her to pieces. She's a good distraction to everything else going on, and so I'm happy............ I mean, who can't laugh and smile when there's a puppy around? And when you're sad,... puppy kisses are awesome.

Oh, and in light of Scott's injuries, we will not be camping this weekend. As it turns out, a lot of other people were going to be unable to make it this weekend, too, so from what I understand, everyone will be going the following weekend instead anyway. I don't know if we'll make it or not,.......... might have to make it a day trip with ol' limpy on crutches, LOL.

I am sooooooooo ready for things to slow down. I'm afraid one of these days my world is going to spin right off it's axis! Stop the ride! I wanna get off!

The Latest

I just got off the phone with Carol, and she sounds so much better! I guess they were planning on her going home tomorrow, but now it won't be until at least Saturday, or possibly even Monday. Things are quite where they need to be just yet in order for them to comfortably release her. It's hard to believe that in just another couple days she will have been in the hospital for the past 3 weeks.

She IS planning on going camping up at Simmon's,... it's really important to her so her folks are going to bring their motorhome so she'll be more comfortable. I know a lot of BillyBobbers won't be there,.. many are going to Christmas Valley this go 'round, but it sounds like there will still be several up there with us.

I'm hoping that we can get hospice arrangements set up for her soon,... if anybody has any experience with that and has any suggestions to share that might be helpful, we'd appreciate it.

Oh! And PS- Tucker is fine, LOL! He's just getting a new baby sister is all... she'll be coming home on Saturday! I'll post pictures soon! =P

Love n stuff! xoxox

*fingers crossed*!!!

Carol is doing better enough now that they are working towards sending her back home. They've gotten her off her morphine pump and back onto the Oxycodone, and have her up and about & sitting in her chair some. Not sure what day she'll be discharged yet, but could be any day. No way to know how much time is left, but her main goal right now is to get back home. She doesn't want to die in the hospital,.. she wants to go at home. Anyway, we could have only a couple of weeks left with her or she could hang on another couple of months. *fingers crossed* & prayers UP!!

Much Better!

Today was good. She's doing well, and her surgeon came by again,.... she was very pleased with the outcome, and very optimistic. That's what we want to hear! Carol also said today that although she thought before that she was 'ready to go' she's not now, and hopes to continue to make the most of her time left. Regardless of anything, she is hoping most to at least be able to go home for awhile.

We've had a lot of great talks, a LOT of laughs recalling old stories, and some very special time spent with many family members the last few days. It's been wonderful. Today I got to spend time with Lyndsey & Jayden, too, and that was awesome.

I'm so exhausted I can barely see straight so I am still going to hold off much for details,.... walking the halls at the hospital today I just about walked into a couple walls, and there were 2-3 times today I had to sit down quickly so I didn't collapse. I did take a short nap in Carol's room this afternoon with her while everyone else hung out in the waiting room, and I have been sleeping at night, and eating. I fell asleep a few different times today at the hospital. It's just all the emotional stuff that is so draining, the long days, the worry, and the driving,.. it all adds up, and with the FMS, I'm just sort of folding. So, I think tomorrow we'll stay here and just rest and spend some personal family time for Father's Day.

Anyway, we are still holding tightly to hope, and I will continue to keep you posted as we hear any more news. Thanks again for all the support. Carol is such a fighter,..... her strength continues to amaze me, and I just love her so much.

Bad News

Bare with me here. I've actually only been conscious for about 20 minutes. Scott called and woke me, and I was shocked to realize it was 11:30..... I was just so exhausted, still am, actually.

I have to make this another quick one because we've got to throw ourselves together & get back up to the hospital so I'll have to do more details tonight or tomorrow.

Scott says the Dr came in with bad news. They waited to say anything about it until today,. I guess to give us the night to feel some relief that she made it through the surgery, I suppose.

There was not just the one massive tumor, plus a second smaller one we knew they found in there last night, but today they are telling us that her entire colon was riddled with thousands of tumors, and not just her colon, but everywhere. That even if they came up with another chemo to use, it wouldn't do any good.

This does not look good pertaining to thinking that the surgery bought more time. We could very likely be looking at only a couple of weeks afterall. Only God knows so please keep the prayers coming,.........

I will update again when I can. God bless.

She Made It!

Well, we just got home a short while ago, and had to get the kids to bed. I will post more detail tomorrow late morningish because it's been a very loooong day, it's now midnight & I'm exhausted, but for now I just want everyone to know that the surgery was a success and Carol is okay! Of course, she is in a tremendous amount of pain right now, but that is expected. Tough to see, but knowing she's okay, and that we've bought some more time is AWESOME.

THANK YOU for all the prayers,..... I will post details tomorrow before we head back up.

Love n stuff, Tahnee

Surgery Bumped Up

Just an FYI: Carol's Surgery has been bumped up to 11:30 AM now, and will probably head off to pre-op around 10:30 so anyone who's going and intends to see her before-hand will need to get there EARLY.

Latest on Carol

Well, she looked pretty good again, like she did a week ago, and she's decided she still has a little bit of fight left in her after all.

There is no longer a 'choice' about having the surgery, she has to. If she doesn't then the week or two stands, but if they are successful with the surgery it has the potential that it could possibly buy her another 6-8 weeks. They won't know anything until they get in there Friday.

Friday was the earliest opening they had for the OR, and she could still get bumped, but let's hope not.

So, we are still holding on by a wing and a prayer!! We're all simply exhausted,........ we'll head back up Friday. Her brother, Ben, is flying in from Colorado to be here for the surgery, too. She hasn't seen him in several years so she's excited about that. I'm not sure, but I think Courtney, who will be 11 next month, was only a toddler the last time he was here so this is really wonderful for her.

It was a good visit.... another hard day, but good at the same time, if that makes any sense. All we can do now is to keep praying.

Carol's Surgery

We're getting ready to head back to the hospital. Just wanted to leave another update.

Carol will be having the surgery at 12:30 PM on Friday. The doctor said that one of three things will likely happen 1) they will be able to correct it, 2) they will have to perform the colostomy which would mean the bag outside her abdomen, or 3) they could find that the scar tissue is too great and won't be able to do anything but close her back up.

At any rate, they will not be putting her back on chemotherapy at all. It's not working, and is only causing her unneccesary discomfort. The surgery gives hope in that, if they are able to do something to repair, then it could get her back on her feet for a few days, enough to be able to go home and finish getting her affairs in order. Which is what she's now hoping for. She sounds more optimistic today than yesterday.

At any rate, it still sounds though that she probably has a week or two left at best. Only God knows so we just keep praying.

More Prayers Needed

I just heard from another friend this morning, that her dad's pancreatic cancer is back, and it's in his liver this time. The Dr has given him maybe 6 months. Please pray for my friend, her dad, and their families.

When it rains it pours, doesn't it? The word "cancer" just makes me sick anymore................. :(

Please Pray for My Friend

I just found out more bad news tonight,....... a very, very dear friend of mine, Barbara C., just found out that she has breast cancer.

It sounds like it's isolated in one area so they will hopefully be able to get it all with surgery, but please be praying. She will know more after tomorrow.

Barbara is like a sister to me. We aren't in touch a lot, but we are connected by hearts, and I love her immensley. I'm taking this news pretty hard, and along with everything that is transpiring with Carol,...... it's been a rough night. :(

Another Update on Carol

Just found out that things are much worse. The Dr says that it will be Carol's choice whether to do the surgery or not.

If she chooses surgery, odds are, she won't wake up from it. Or, they can send her home with drugs to keep her comfortable, and MAYBE she'll have a week or two left.

She's going to make her decision tomorrow morning. She has already stated that she doesn't want anyone to have to take care of her if she were to go home so it sounds like she's going to choose the surgery.

If they do surgery, they said it won't be until Thursday or Friday. Don't know why the wait, but they are. She says that she does not want to be resusitated if the need were to arise, and she does not want to be put on life support if she goes into a coma. She wants to just be let go.

She gave us instructions,... she wants to be cremated, and have some of her ashes spread in a few of her favorite locations, one being up at Simmon's Field where she said she has had some of her fondest & funniest memories. So, we will be planning that in hopes that as many fellow BillyBobbers can join us.

She also wants a Celebration of Life ceremony. She said tonight that she's ready to go.

It's been a very draining evening, a lot of emails, and a lot of phonecalls, and a LOT of tears,...... and I still have to talk to our children. They know it's coming, but tomorrow's visit will be goodbye for them,..................... I so dread tomorrow. :(

Please Pray for Carol

Most of you know, that Scott's mom, Carol, has been battling Ovarian cancer for the past 5 1/2 years.

She's been in the hospital for the past 9 days due to an infection. That infection also ate a hole in her colon. They had considered doing surgery, a colostomy, to repair it, but any surgery for her is high risk. She's had multiple hernias across her stomach for the past 2-3 years now, and has needed a complete stomach graph to repair it, but the Drs wouldn't do it due to the risk involved.

They did another CAT scan today, and we just got the results back a short while ago,... they've discovered that one of the tumors is completely blocking her colon. It seems that they have no choice now, but to do surgery.

The girls & I were going to head up tonight, but we just recieved word again, and the Dr is not going to make a solid decision until morning. She's in real bad shape.

I saw her Wednesday, and although you could tell she didn't feel well, she was pretty perky and had her color back, but seeing her again Sunday, she looked much, much worse. She was completely pale, weak, and hadn't been able to keep anything down all day. They told us that today she was even worse.

We are going to go ahead and get to bed extra early,.. here shortly actually, and head up first thing in the morning instead. We realized that we wouldn't be able to make it in time before they cut off visiting hours, and the Dr hasn't made a definite decision on what to do. Either way,.. we'll be heading up first off in the morning.

Your prayers are both needed & appreciated. It looks like the end could be very near so I just ask that you pray for Carol, and also for Albert (Scott's dad), as well as Scott, and our girls, Courtney, Brittney & Ashley. Me, too..... she's one awesome lady, and I couldn't have picked a better mother-in-law. I don't know what any of us will do without her.

Please pray for a miracle for her, God willing there's always a glimmer of hope,.... and please pray for strength for the rest of us to make it through the inevitable. Please pray that I can draw upon God's almighty strength & grace in order to be strong for the rest of my family, so that I can help get them through this.

And before I close, I want to say thank you to all of my friends for always being there for me, and for us,.. and a special thank you in advance, because I know you'll be there for us now, too, and through whatever comes in this difficult time.

God Bless, Tahnee & family