I have a HUGE favor to ask. For those who personally know Scott's mom,.. OUR mom,.. could you please give her a quick telephone call to wish her a "Happy Birthday"?
If you need her home phone number, let me know... I will check this periodically throughout the day, just in case. If you don't have her number, but you have mine, you can also feel free to call me for it.
She is 59 years old today, and today also marks SIX (6) YEARS to the very day that she recieved that devestating phonecall from the doctor's office (whom did not realize it was her birthday), and told her she had ovarian cancer. None of us thought she would make it to this birthday so this is truly an awesome one to celebrate & acknowledge... she has beaten the odds, and the crappy statistics that tell us all that an average of 80% of women with OVC only make it somewhere between the 3rd-4th year after diagnosis... and that only a meager fraction actually make it to 5 years. Well, she surpassed it all, and even after having her initial oncologist tell her she may want to consider stopping chemo and letting herself go,.. after only her first year of chemo!
We have been so very blessed to have been gifted these last 6 years with her... we have continually prayed day after day for more time..... because our selfish, human hearts do not want to let go..... and God has granted us these favors. But the time has come for God to say "Enough, my children... I need her home. Let her have peace with me." I have to tell you, my heart is so torn... I want that peace for her so badly, and I rejoice knowing that she will be whole again very soon. But at the same time, my heart aches & weeps anticipating the emptiness that will follow her departure from this world..... I know it is not 'goodbye',.. only a 'see you later', but the sorrow remains. I just cannot imagine life without her in it. She has been such a constant inspiration for me. She has not been my 'mother-in-law', but my MOM, and I love her immensley.
We have had a couple of different birthday celebrations with her the past couple weekends,.. one with my family & one with Albert's family, but today is her actual birthday..... I had planned to take the girls up to spend the afternoon with her, even if just to sit with her, but she is not up for it, and that really says a lot. I can honestly say that this is probably the first time in the 16+ years I have known her, that she has turned down any kind of visit from anyone,.... especially from me & the girls.
She's not doing well. She's been going downhill all this past week. This weekend's get together was almost too much for her, but she appreciated so much that our families wanted to spend that special time with her. It meant a lot to her that these things were planned.... even if she wasn't really up to being there.
Her lungs are filling up quickly now,... the tumors have really been taking over, and the descent is now clearly taking place. The time is near. She is now on oxygen as of yesterday... it's helping her breathe a lot more comfortably, but she's very tired, and has little energy.
I have something I would like to share here, and this in no way is meant to be taken poorly by anyone, especially those who are family. This is sincere & heartfelt, and I just want to share what's happening..... because I love her so intensley, and it kills me to know how much she is hurting both physically & emotionally.
Mom's parents have left for Arizona. They had not planned on going this year when suddenly her mom changed her mind. I guess she decided she did not want to be here when Carol goes. I know that this is hard for her,.. I don't care how old you are, it can never be easy to lose a child. I think all parents hope to go before their children. Carol is also her first born. Those who know her mom, know that Grandma has never been outwardly warm & fuzzy,... she loves us all dearly, you just don't often 'see' it the way you can in most other people, and she deals with emotion & grief differently from most of the rest of us, too, and that's just her way.
But, Scott & I are having a difficult time with what feels like an abandonment of Mom. She is extremely hurt, and I am the only one whom she has allowed see this pain. She does not typically like other's to know she is hurting whether it's physical or emotional, she always tries to hide it,.. for your sake. And if you ask her straight-up, she will flat out try to deny it. She doesn't want others to worry, she doesn't want to be a burden, she wants to protect us all as much as possible,.. she is ALWAYS thinking of everyone else first. That's the amazing woman she is. But I saw this hurt in her,... she did try to pretend it wasn't there, but I embraced her, and the moment I did,... she sobbed.
She had to go through the pain of saying goodbye to them, knowing it was the last time she would ever see them. She has shed a lot of tears since then over it, too. They left only 2 days before her birthday,.... her mom did call her today, but also told her that she had forgotten her birthday was today, and that she thought it had been on the 21st. I know Grandma did not intend to hurt Mom, but she did. She was already hurting enough without knowing that. I honestly do not know what to do with the feelings I am having right now,... I feel so helpless to not be able to protect her from the pain & the grief she is experiencing right now. I feel so much pain for her, and truth be told, I am feeling a bit of resentment about all of this. And I just don't know what to do with that except to just give it all over to the Lord, and continue to pray for a peaceful spirit,... along with strength to endure the pain of these days.
Please, if you are a Believer, of whatever faith,... please reach out in prayer for Carol, for our family, and for anyone who has ever had the great pleasure of knowing this amazing woman we love so much.
My relationship with her wasn't always so rosey. When I first entered this family, I was still dealing with a lot of ghosts from my past. I was going through a great deal of bitterness from all the abuse I went through that started clear back as a toddler and carried on through my teens, until I met my husband. Unfortunately, I channeled a lot of my resentments... right at her. But you know, that never stopped her from loving me & accepting me, and she continued to blanket me with that love regardless of how I tried to shut her out. Then there finally came a day where God lifted the darkness from my life, and I was able to let go..... and I finally saw her for who she is. And I was forever changed. I have been blessed to have had a closeness with her like no other..... she has been my support, my counselor, my friend......... and has taken up a very large piece of my heart. She took a troubled girl who didn't know how to love or forgive, and she helped mold me into who I am today. She helped me find myself,... she picked up where my grandparents left off, God rest them, and reminded me of what they had instilled in me when I was young. Where I would be without her I cannot tell you. Who I am, and who I will continue to be,.. is because of her.
I have learned so much from her,... she has taught me so much about life. She's taught me by example, and I can only hope to carry on the things I have learned from her........ Her life has been filled with unconditional love & selfless giving of herself to others,... both known & unknown.
She has touched countless lives,... and we are forever changed by the impact she has made on us.
So, again I ask of you,...if you have had the great pleasure of knowing her, please celebrate her today. And if you are able, please give her a quick phonecall to wish her a happy birthday. You will need to try to keep it short, but I know it would mean SO much to her. If you need the number, please let me know.
God Bless!!
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