Sick & Tired of Being Sick & Tired!

I feel awful, no scratch that... I feel like complete crap with a capital C. *frown*

My head feels really full again. Not head cold full,... it's that pressurizedfeeling, like your brain is pressing into your skull. It doesn't hurt so much as it just feels really uncomfortable. I feel like I have to keep popping my ears and I feel off-balance again. I hate that. I bump into things, and my body hurts so much that even a slight graze of the wall feels like I was jabbed with a sharp object.

And, my ear is starting to bother me again. I went for almost a year of unexplainable ear pain & sound sensitivity. The doctors couldn't explain it. I couldn't even handle my DD whispering into that ear it was so sensitive. There was no evident hearing loss according to the auditory tests, and I never actually followed through with the ENT because it all just suddenly stopped as mysteriously as it had begun. The only thing that has remained has been the tinitis, more fuzzy-buzzy sounds than ringing, if that makes any sense, although I do get the ringing as well. The pain & the hypersensitivity hasn't bothered me in about a year and a half, but now all of the sudden it's got that same feeling it did when it started the first time.

I'm in a really bad flare again. Is this the Fibro, or am I what they call "all Lymie"?? IDK, but either way, I'm in a tremendous amount of pain. I've been going through this for three years already, and I am sooooo wanting my life back!!

My neck is hurting SO bad again, and it's radiating across my shoulder blades and then rolls over my left shoulder and down my arm. It usually seems to concentrate on my left side. Most of pains do. Although I do hurt all over my body, I've always had the worst of everything ever wrong with me be on my left side. I've never really understood that, but whatever.

I get a stabbing, aching pain in my elbow. My hands hurt, and all my fingers feel like they are swollen. They don't look swollen and they aren't red, they just feel "full" & they hurt. And, I have almost no strength in them. I can't open things! I can barely write... typing isn't so bad. It hurts, but I can do it.

I've been having back spasms again. The muscles start twitching & pinging & it's just horrible. My spine is extra tender again, too. My ribs feel sore high up on each side, just a few inches below my armpits.... My shoulders feel like the bones are sticking out of my flesh... it HURTS!

I've been having excruciating knee pain the last few days again, too. It's an intense, stabbing pain I am not entirely sure how to describe... like a hot poker has been jabbed UNDER my kneecap and then it's being twisted & wrenched around, and like my kneecap is going to pop off! Some of the episodes have actually made me start screaming,.. I scared the hell out of my kids! I felt so bad, but it HURT THAT BAD!!

My feet have been hurting really badly again as well. I don't know if it's the change in the weather with it getting cold & damp, a fibro flare, Lyme, or all of the above. I can barely get out of bed in the morning because my feet hurt so bad I almost fall over. The bottoms of my feet feel like they're made of glass, and they're going to crack if I put too much pressure on them. My heels feel like they're already broken. I know they aren't, but that's what they feel like. I wind up trying to support my body's weight on the railing, the walls, furniture, whatever,.. just to get around without hurting my feet more, or falling over, or having my knees give out on me. This SUCKS.

I've started having a stabbing pain right behind my brow bone. Today it's been the right side,.. the other day it was the left. This evening, it feels like it's going to hit be on both sides next. Sometimes I get these stabbing pains just in one localized spot in my head. Sometimes it's on top, or on the side, or sometimes it's like this, right behind the browbone, or in my eye. It's not a headache, and it's not a full on migraine, but like a migrain in just that one itty bitty spot.... again, like a stabbing, hot poker! What is causing that??

And, every time I eat I am getting nauseated now. I don't usually do that, but now everything is making me sick to my stomach. I don't throw up easily, I never have except in really extreme circumstances,... so I just get really nauseated.

I am so tired I can barely see straight, but I can't sleep. The pain is too much. I tried to lay down hours ago. Hubby got me all set with extra pillows, tucked me in, made sure the kids & the dogs left me alone & were quiet,... I even took some morphine thinking finally I would have enough relief I could rest, but no such luck. It didn't even touch the pain. Not remotely. The only thing that has worked for me has been the oxycodone, but I'm out. I'll be getting more this week, but in the meantime, I have no way to help eleviate some of this pain, and it is excruciating. I'm just trying to tough it out and do some surfing (& some whining) until my eyelids can no longer stay open... then hopefully I'll just pass out.

I can't sleep some nights, yet I can't wake up other days. I'm exhausted all the time. Sometimes I have to take naps, even sleep all day, and I'm still wiped out. I can't win. If I take meds to combat the insomnia and help me stay asleep without all the constant waking, then it just makes it harder for me to stay conscious during the day. But if I don't take them, I don't get that deep sleep you have to have..... and then that just makes all the pain worse.

What do I do?? I'm so sick of being "sick"!! *waaaah* :(

Okay, that's enough... sorry for the whine-fest, but it did feel good to get it out. OMG, I have sciatic pain shooting down my right hip now! *Agh!!*