Fibromyalgia Sucks

While I'm on here today... I feel the need to *whine*. Sometimes it just helps you feel better to unload. So, that being said, if you don't want to listen, don't read it, LOL *wink*

This summer has been miserable for me. Normally, I seem to be at my best in the heat & warmth of the summer, as long as it's not too hot anyway, but this summer, for one thing, took it's own sweet time even really getting started, am I right? I mean, I know people who were still wearing sweaters to stay warm in June! I know people who were still getting dumped on with snow storms in June! Global Warming I tell ya......

Anyway, I think that between that and all that I've been trying to accomplish so we can relocate back up closer towards our business, it has just taken a toll. I am quite sure that pushing myself to do special things with the kids added to it as well, but I just refuse to completely roll over & let this stupid disease beat me altogether.

I have been getting worse again though. The pain is almost unbearable lately. I feel bruised from head to toe, and the insides of my bones burn at times... like the marrow itself is on fire. IT HURTS. I have near constant headaches from all the tension due to the pain... it's a vicious cycle. The headaches range from barely noticeable to severe migraines. I have muscle & nerve spasms, especially at night. At first I thought it was something like Restless Leg Syndrome, but it's not just in my legs, it's other places, too. I literally jolt due to sudden reflexes repeatedly, and then that just adds to the rest of my pains.

It is getting harder & harder to 'put on my happy face' so that I don't drag everybody else down. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me, I don't want anyone having to help me with things, and I certainly don't want anyone feeling like they have to miss out on anything because I can't handle it. But the more I push myself through things, the worse I get.

I think part of how bad I'm doing again now also may have to do with me weaning myself off of all the pills I was on. I have tried natural methods, but to no prevail. I went off the drugs because I didn't like being drugged up all the time just to feel good and 'have a life' with my family. I also didn't like feeling exhausted all the time, feeling like I couldn't wake up, and no matter how much deep sleep I was finally getting, I still felt like I needed more. It was worse than the exhaustion you feel just from the Fibro itself, but I just don't know how much more of this intense pain I can go through. I am seriously wanting to go back on the pain killers just so I can have some relief. But, I hate being dependant on narcotics........ that, and it requires me to take all the other meds. You have to literally sign a contract between you, your doctor & the government. I understand why, I do, but it is those other meds that just seem to drag me down all the more. Either way there is a price to pay. I need to be alert & functional... I have children and on top of that I homeschool,.. both are extrememly important to me. But, at the same time, I HURT SO BAD. :(

I guess what I need is more prayer! I don't usually ask for things for myself, but if you have read this far, and you pray.... could you please say an extra one for me?

Much love, and thanks to anyone who got this far! I commend you for suffering through it! LOL xoxo