Sorrow of Letting Go

I'm just 'talking out loud' here, in a manner of speaking... it's a rough day, and I need to unload a little so if anyone is reading this, please bare with me. Last night was rough, we're all exhausted from being overcome with emotion, and then not sleeping well, and the wonder of whether today will be the last time we see Mom/Grandma alive or not..... We're going to head up in a couple of hours. Right now, my vision is still too blurry, and I feel like I was hit by a truck so I'm just sort of.... sitting.

The girls have made 'closure cards', I call them anyway,... they made these cards to give to Grandma today. To tell her again how much they love her, and remind her that she will finally be all better in Heaven......... they mentioned about working on something for her yesterday, and then showed the finished products this morning. Needless to say, tears were shed,.... again. This is just SO hard,.. never gets any easier. I almost feel like it gets harder the more people you have to say goodbye to... even if it's not a permanent goodbye.

I know she will be in a better place,... afterall, there is no better place than with Jesus! And because of that, she is so lucky, and I REJOICE in it for her, and I am happy & excited for her and I celebrate it knowing she will be whole with Him,...... and she will never be in any pain again........ but I am also so very, very, VERY sad, and I feel so selfish because I do not want to let her go. I know God understands,.. He created us afterall, but I still feel guilty.

I know He needs her more than I do now, and I know she will continue to watch over me with Him, as so many others have been, too,... and we will see them all again one day. But my heart aches............ I feel like all the people who have had the biggest impact on my life, in the most positive ways, who have played the biggest parts in molding me into who I am today, whom I could always turn to for comfort & support,........ are all gone, except for my real mother, and my sister, Karissa. So I'm sad. But I want this peace for her sooooooooooooo bad at the same time!!!

I know the Lord will carry us through this. He will lift us up, and carry us through when the burden of our sorrow is too heavy for us to bare.......... and I know we are much stronger than we often think we are. And we are,... BECAUSE of Him.

Guess that's enough..... I'm just sort of wandering right now, and trying not to fall down. My head's on tight,.. it's my heart that keeps tripping me.